The Argonaut's Almanac

Blonde Ambition (not that I'm blonde) (and not that I've got anything against people who are) (it was just a clever title that.....Oh, suit yourself!)

2012-01-27T05:52:00.000-08:00

Hello you.

This post doesn't contain any rapier-sharp observations or the usual whipcrackin' lyrical satire that you might normally associate with me - or not - which, let's be honest, is probably far more likely. But what this post does contain - which I think is just as crucial as me writing lots of posts in an effort to introduce more people to my books - is a little insight into the backroom cogs, pistons and oil that make up my author machine.

I'll be straight with you. I walked into this writing game way back in 2005 with my head full of dreams and ambitions to be a best-selling author, raking in millions and with a successful movie franchise in my back pocket. (Damn that JK Rowling. As much as I love her, she was after all single-handedly responsible for making me believe that a career as an author was a possibility, she didn't 'arf set the bar high. Measuring yourself against the gods, you're only going to be reminded that you're merely a mortal). We're seven years down the line now and I've no way near accomplished what I set out to do in those days of scribbling away in notebooks and learning how to write a query letter, synopsis and what size lettering to use in my manuscripts. I'm a bit older, arguably a bit wiser and definitely a bit less hungry for universal acceptance.

I had always been a keen writer in my youth, until I segued into my other hobby of drawing comic books, meshing the two things together on a variety of projects that will never see the light of day (if I have any say in it). My old comics weren't produced to launch me into the professional stratosphere, they were just what I enjoyed doing, an extension of my love of reading superhero comics (mostly Marvel, but the nostalgic in me has still got nuff luv for DC and the likes of 2000AD, Commando, Starblazer and Warlord). I wasn't in competition with anyone, as I wasn't aiming to be a professional comic artist. Okay, so I'd sent the odd submission off to DC and Marvel over the years (with some excellent feedback rec'd which really helped me get better) but it was fairly relaxed in that I didn't really expect to make a career out of it.

Anyway, when I started to delve back into writing again sometime around 2004/05, I was given some great feedback from online writer's sites which compelled me to finish the book I was working on and submit it. But I wasn't one of those authors that had just the one killer idea and that was it. They say everyone has at least one book in them, but I had hundreds of the damn things going on, and it was hard for me to focus on one at a time. (I still have that problem to this day. As I type this I am revisiting an old MS from 2008 that I just couldn't get right at the time, and I still regularly flip-flop from idea to idea. It's a bad, bad habit). I also got into a habit of only writing 30 pages of a book, or the first few chapters - in other words: I would only write what I needed to complete in order to submit it to an agent/publisher. Once I got the rejection letter, which I stopped collecting once they reached double figures, I would drop that idea and start a new one. Now that is a really, really bad habit and one that I certainly wouldn't advise anyone to do....but it actually somehow miraculously ended up paying off for me.

Back in 2005-ish, I put the opening chapters of The Equivoque Principle on a website similar to HarperCollins' Authonomy, where it received some very high marks during the review stage, which in turn allowed it to filter through the ether to the desk of my current publisher, Scott Pack from The Friday Project (HarperCollins imprint, don'cha know) and I was elated to receive an email from Mr P asking to read the entirety of the book. I clipped my heels and jumped for joy, thanking Zeus for the good fortune - but then it suddenly hit me. Shit, I've only written about 80 pages and it's nowhere near completed! Yikes!!

Luckily, I had plotted the book out and knew exactly where it was going (including the direction of the 3 sequels). Coming from a comic book background, I was used to fast turnarounds, ongoing plots and series arcs. I knew my characters and I knew where I wanted to take them, and so I knuckled down, working well into the small hours of many nights to complete my first proper book. I wasn't really working to any strict deadline, and still had the freedom to set up lots of little things that would eventually pay off down the line in the sequels - See? Even back then I was thinking ahead. I wasn't encumbered by little things like sales figures or promotional campaigns, I was writing, doing what I loved to do, and even better - I was one step further along that path to success (or perhaps even acceptance - or perhaps they're not mutually exclusive).

As an author, I think this Yoda quote from The Empire Strikes Back describes me perfectly:

"A Jedi (an author) must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph! Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi (an author) craves not these things."

It still felt completely surreal reading (and re-reading) that initial email from Mr P. He liked what he'd read of Equivoque and wanted to read more. My book actually had a shot at getting published, I couldn't believe it. It had come so far out of left field that it was like a dream. Could it really be possible? After all those failed ideas, all those rejections? Could my dreams for the future turn into a reality? Could I be as big as JK?

Well, no as things turned out and it was naive of me to even entertain the thought, but hey - that's called having ambition, sue me. Of course, now I know that anyone that writes to be successful isn't regarded quite as highly as those who have a compulsion to write because they have the soul of an artist. My problem at the time was that I wasn't writing for me. I was looking for a hit. I still have elements of that problem even today. I find that I work best when I don't have any dreams about how successful (or not) my books might be.......I am not disappointed when they're not, but pleasantly surprised when they are. The best of both worlds.

Don't get me wrong, Equivoque sold, but certainly not mega-numbers. Assisted by being part of Waterstones' 3 for 2 promotion, it did okay. Just okay. It did unexpectedly well on ebook though, almost as well as the sequel, The Eleventh Plague. But no, I wasn't going to be rich and famous, and JK had nothing to worry about. Her crown remained firmly ensconced atop that beautiful wheat-blond head of hers. I'm not a millionaire yet, I said to my wife, my friends and my family - and I felt kind of apologetic about that for some reason. As if I'd let them down. But why? It wasn't their dream, they were just piggybacking off mine. I had no idea what sort of sales an author needed to reach before they were classed as successful, and I suppose that's a subjective point. Some might say I should be grateful that I was published at all, and that thousands of other would-be authors would sacrifice their firstborn child for a chance. I should know, I was one. And yes, I am grateful. Very, in fact. Being published and having the support of Mr P and his faith in the Cornelius Quaint series, getting nice emails from strangers that say they enjoyed what they read and when is the next book coming out, having someone randomly seek me out on Twitter just to say Hi, someone taking the time to leave a review on Amazon or iBooks (be they positive or negative). I am grateful for all of that, and it has not only given me a bit more confidence, but it's enabled me to put a foot on the ladder...

Let's be clear: every day I get to write stories about people that I care about, even though most of the time they seem to be put into perilous situations with no clear way of escaping with their lives intact. I am living my dream, but I haven't yet reached my potential. Not yet anyway.

I know this to be true. I feel it. Every new book that I write (or every old one that I revise) has the potential to be the best book I'll ever write. That's very exciting from a creative point of view. And now that I am a bit more experienced in the writing game, I'm better equipped to act on my ideas.

Just as a post-script, someone in a review recently criticised me for writing "You ain't seen the last of me" in my acknowledgements page of one of my books. It wasn't meant as a boast, it was merely a little tagline to say "I'm going to keep on writing because it's what I love to do"....anyone that truly knows me knows that I don't have an ego. I am a sensitive soul, however, and no one likes reading bad things about themselves - especially on a forum like Amazon book reviews where I cannot respond directly to the criticisms being leveled against me.

There.

Glad I got that off my chest.

Next post: I'll be talking about this:

Released on ebook exclusively on 20th February 2012.......it's been a long time coming, but it's well worth the wait, I promise. This is my Empire Strikes Back....make of that what you will.

New Year

2012-01-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

Hello Quaint folk,
Just popped in to drop off this just-released pic of the cover to THE LAZARUS CURSE which I am reliably informed by my ever-so reliable publisher is due for ebook only release on 20th February 2012.

The Quaint part was drawn by mine own good hand with some stellar work as always from the brilliant Liam Relph, who I have been lucky enough to have been paired with ever since The Equivoque Principle. Liam understands exactly what the series is all about, and for those among you who are familiar with the previous covers, no doubt you will notice the theme: four books, four playing card suits as perfectly befitting our conjuring adventurer.

This book isn't going to print (unless there's a big enough demand HINT-HINT) so ebook is the only way that you will be able to pick up on events straight after The Eleventh Plague to find out if Cornelius Quaint and Madame Destine are successful in preventing the deadly bacterium from killing Queen Victoria...

(No doubt all you history buffs know that Vicky doesn't actually cop it, but come along for the ride and you won't be disappointed. Sometimes it's not the destination but the journey that counts).

On a purely personal creative front, this is my favourite of the 4 (Yes! 4!!!) Quaint books, and for all those grumpy reviewers who said that the series was full of unbelievable coincidences, let me say three things:

1. It's supposed to be.
2. You ain't seen nothing yet.
and
3. There's no such thing as a coincidence.

And for any of you who have yet to catch up with the very absolutely and totally FREE Quaint ebook short story released in December 2011 called The Quaint Christmas, here is a link where it can be downloaded from Kindle bookstore pour vous, gratis. It is also available from the iBooks store totally without charge because you're worth it.

Please continue to spread the word about the series.
It's nice to do this writing thing, but even better when there's company.

DCraske, 9th January 2012.

Blatantly Yours.....

2011-11-29T01:30:00.001-08:00

Hello all you lot,

If I can't do this on my own blog then where can I do it?
Some shameless plugging of some truly spesh bargains for the Cornelius Quaint e-books at the moment, as well as a v-spesh free Quaint short Christmas story, imaginatively entitled: THE QUAINT CHRISTMAS. It was first released free of charge in December 2009 and my hardy publishers at The Friday Project/ HarperCollins have decided to re-release it online. I'm glad about that, as a lot of people read it last time around and enjoyed it. It's a prequel to THE EQUIVOQUE PRINCIPLE, as well as a nice little quaint christmassy tale. Here is the cover illustrated by yours truly, plus the excellently talented Liam Relph.

As well as this story being available free of charge to you, the discerning consumer, the other books in the Quaint Chronicles are also currently at v-affordable prices in the lead up to the release of the 3rd book in the 4 book series, THE LAZARUS CURSE, released exclusively in e-book early 2012.

Continuing Quaint's adventures from THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE, it sees the conjuror attempting to stop a steamship full of plague victims from reaching Dover, before engaging in race against time that takes him all the way to Buckingham Palace before he sets off for China on a voyage towards his unfolding destiny.

Lazarus is another ripping tale of amazing action and astonishing adventure and it changes everything that Quaint thought that he knew about himself and his family. This is my personal favourite out of the 4 Quaint books and I hope people that enjoyed the first two will agree with me. I am looking forward also to the release of THE ROMULUS EQUATION, which ends the first story arc, and I think it'll be interesting for people to view the series as a whole, and see what I have been working towards for something like 7 years.

Looking at the reviews on Amazon (which I do sometimes to see where I am going right/wrong...) you will see that I am what they call a 'Marmite' author, meaning you either love my books or hate them. I can't possibly please everyone, but I do feel the need to remind people sometimes that my books are only made-up stories. The Cornelius Quaint books work best if you possess an inkling of an imagination and are willing to surrender yourself to the style of the penny dreadfuls of the time....

Anyway, some details below the Cornelius Quaint stories available from the Amazon Kindle store (and the iBooks Store also, I should say) all listed at VERY reasonable prices, I trust you'll agree.

THE QUAINT CHRISTMAS - this puppy is FREE!!!!

THE EQUIVOQUE PRINCIPLE (Book 1 in the Quaint Chronicles) - this is a mere 49p !!!!

THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE (Book 2 in the Quaint Chronicles) - and this is but 99 of your pennies!!!

I will post nearer the time when LAZARUS is out, plus also, don't forget that I also illustrate the Quaint covers and you will be able to see more of my comic art alongside some truly unforgettable stories written by Nik Perring and Caroline Smailes, in 'FREAKS!', due for publication in 2012.

I'm going to be a busy boy, with 3 books out...
Peace.
DC

Dey DoDo Dat Dough, Don't Dey?

2011-10-21T03:13:00.000-07:00

Hello you.
Today I have a guest.
I have known this fellow for some time now, as he gave me my very first break into publishing way back in 2006 or something, when The Friday Project agreed to publish the Cornelius Quaint Chronicles. I owe him a lot; he is a font of great advice, and I even like him as a person too. He has a forthright tongue and a sharp mind and he knows his business - and for some reason, in many parts of the world his name has become synonymous with cake.

Have you worked out who it is yet?

No, it's not Mr Kipling...it's Mr Scott Pack, publisher at large for The Friday Project (an imprint of HarperCollins). His very posh title Director of Digital Development has recently hooked him into the Authonomy site too, an excellent place for budding authors to get oh-so helpful critiques from fellow authors and the possibility (if your work is appealing enough) of seeing it in print. A similar site is actually where Mr Pack spotted me, so I naturally hold them in high regard. On top of all that he also pens the odd article on the state of the publishing world for The Bookseller and the like, and whilst it would be a very interesting thing to interview him, that is not why he is here...and in some respects he is isn't really here at all.

To explain:
If you already frequent Mr Pack's acclaimed blog (HERE) then you probably know that not only a lover of books is he, but he is also something of a scribe, responsible for the excellent 'It Is Just You, Everything's Not Shit' and has just released his second book, the equally as ace '21st CENTURY DODOS' (ebook version also available here, Pack-Fans!) Anyway, to celebrate this momentous event, Scott has Pack'd (like that?) his bags and gone on a jolly little blog tour in the guise of Steve Stack. (You may have spotted him HERE yesterday, but if you missed it, check Scott's blog on the right-hand sidebar for details of all the events.) And today I am very much obliged to have him here.

'21st CENTURY DODOS' is a fantastic celebration of inanimate objects that have been lost over time. Just flipping through the book you will be reminded of many things that you thought no one else missed. In my opinion, it is THE official 'perfect Christmas stocking-filler' for a loved one.

Now, I could have done a really in-depth drilling of Steve Stack about everything in his book, but then that might spoil some of the surprises.

So instead, I thought I would quiz him on a variety of subjects from the past. TV, films, toys and the like. Some of which died and went to TV CREAM Heaven, only to reborn and thrust back into the spotlight years after you'd chucked away all the toys that now sell for a mint on ebay.

As is the norm, this quiz will feature a range of questions followed by a range of answers. The object of this exercise is to say the right answer to the right question, thereby winning the quiz. It's simple, but it works.

Here goes:

Darren Craske: Steve, firstly a very big thanks for stopping by.You’ve been visiting many blogs over the past few weeks, requesting your ownblog’s readers to open their doors. What gave you the idea to spread yourselfacross cyberspace so selflessly?

Steve Stack: Nothing selfless about it, sunshine, I am trying to spread theword about the plight of these endangered inanimate objects and flog some of mybook while I’m at it. It is great to travel the web in this way, plonking myarse down and chatting about 21^st Century Dodos.

DC: Thereare many reasons why people should read your blog, whether it’s to hear yourviews on music, books, films or life in general. One of the things that Iadmire about you is the devotion that you have to your readers. Rarely a daygoes by when you don’t have something to post. How do you keep your ideas sovaried?

SS: Very kind of you to say so, but I don’t think they are allthat varied. I tend to review every book I read so that is at least one blogpost a week, often two, sorted right there. Sundays is always a YouTube videoof a current favourite song. Chuck in a few sarcastic posts about whatever ison my mind and there’s a week’s worth of blogging.

DC: On the subject of objects and inventions thathave become extinct in the 21^st century, of all the things thatlogical progression has enabled us to improve over the years, do you think thatthere is something that was better the way it used to be?

SS: I remember explaining the concept of the book to a booksellera couple of years ago and his response was “that’s just progress,” and he wasright, but I don’t think the march of progress means you can’t bid a fondfarewell to some of the things that are going.

I don’t seriously think any of us love old-fashionedteletext enough to hand in our fancy digital televisions, nor would wesacrifice our smartphones in return for a trimphone, but there are a few thingsthat I think were better the way they used to be. The loss of handwrittenletters to email and texting is a real shame and will change the way history isrecorded, I think the move away from imperial measurements deprives us ofcommon sense weights and measures, and the bloke who replaces the cardboardSmarties tube with a hexatube was an idiot.

DC: Your books have everyman appeal, and you oftenpick up on things in danger of being forgotten from the olden days. I take thatyour childhood was a good one?

SS: Well, yes, I don’t have any complaints. It wasn’tparticularly remarkable but it did take place in the 70s and 80s which is theideal demographic for a nostalgic toilet book today!

* And now in a sudden shift of interviewing technique that I learned from Piers Morgan ie; start off all nicey-nicey and beat around bush but then once your guest is relaxed you go in for the kill on some of the really personal questions. Like so…

DC: I know that you are a very happily married man,but if you HAD to act all sexy with any of the James Bond girls over the years,which one would you choose?

SS: You know what? I am not a huge Bond fan. They are OK in acheesy, Saturday afternoon movie kind of way but I don’t really rate them allthat highly. Can I instead nominate Gila Golan who starred opposite JamesCoburn in Our Man Flint?

DC: (Personally, it's Barbara Bach in 'The Spy Who Loved Me', with Britt Ekland coming a close second (insert smutty innuendo here). For the benefit of those unfamiliar with Ms Golan (yeah, me too) here she is.)

DC: When making a milkshake with powder, do you addthe powder to the milk, or the milk to the powder?

SS: Powder to milk, of course. Other way round for a syrup.Everyone knows that.

DC: If it was like SOURCE CODE and you could go backin time and inhabit anyone’s body for a total of 8 minutes, who would youchoose and why?

SS: James Coburn’s during a bit of rumpy pumpy in Our Man Flint.For obvious reasons.

DC: (For the entire 8minutes, or would that include a cigarette post-intercourse I wonder?)

DC: Can you hum the theme to ‘THE SIXMILLION DOLLAR MAN’ without it merging into ‘EMMERDALE’?

SS: I have forgotten how both of them go. What sort of shitnostalgia author am I? In my defence, they were both on ITV which was a bitcommon.

DC: (I’llbet you a packet of Toffo’s that you can’t do it.)

DC: Who was your first TV crush? (Mine was actressPamela Salem from ‘INTO THE LABYRINTH’).

SS: Maxi Gnauck. She was an East German gymnast.

DC: (Doesn’t like Bond girls.Prefers East German gymnasts. Freud would have a field day.)

DC: What would be your first thoughts if I said thewords “Doogy Rev” in an Australian accent to a talking aspidistra?

SS: Gronda gronda rando.

DC: (Is that you, Uncle?)

DC: So many toys from our youth have made asuccessful comeback recently. My Little Pony, ThunderCats, The Smurfs etc….isthere a toy range that you adored as a child that you would love to see comeback?

SS: I’d be keen to see what the kids of today made of CASCADE.It would blow their tiny minds.

DC: If you could fly/ride/drive AIRWOLF, STREET HAWKor K.I.T.T from KNIGHT RIDER, which one would you choose?

SS: They were all on ITV, weren’t they? I’d opt for the PinkPanther’s car instead.

DC: (Good shout. The PinkPanther’s car was classic. Although I’m not sure I approve of a minor behindthe wheel of a powerful vehicle like that. But at least he wore a helmet.)

DC: Do you know any ‘FATTY & SKINNY’ rhymes?

SS: There was one where they were in bed. And another whereFatty farted. The mists of time have shrouded them somewhat. Sorry.

DC: (I believe the one youare thinking of is possibly their best.

“Fatty and Skinny were in the bath. Fatty blew off and Skinny laughed.”

DC: Steve, I know that you are male. I know that you arepost-40 years old. I also know that you have children. Yet, for the benefit ofthe jury, can you confirm or deny that you have never seen a ‘STAR WARS’ filmall the way through?

SS: Not at all. I have seen Star Wars once. In 1977. In thecinema. I saw The Empire Strikes Back in the cinema as well. Didn’t bother withthe Muppet Movie one though.

DC: (Fair enough, but consider this: without the Ewoks, the Galactic Empire would probablystill be in power to this day. If Wicket hadn’t stumbled across Leia on Endor,she would never have been taken back to the Ewok village where she was reunitedwith Han, Luke, Chewie and the droids. And without Paploo stealing aspeeder-bike, the rebel attack on the field generator would never have beenpossible – which essentially means that Lando would have failed to destroy thesecond Death Star.)

DC: There is a joke that has been doing the roundsfor well over 30 years, and it used to confuse the hell out of everyone at myschool. We always had a code of silence that if you got it, you were neverallowed to tell anyone.

Two nuns in a bath. One asks,“Where’s the soap?”

The other one goes, “Yes, itdoes, doesn’t it?”

Can you explain that?

SS: Well, it does, doesn’t it?

DC: (So I am reliablyinformed…)

DC: This is a bonus round and there are 5 points onoffer. You get one point for each of these TV shows that you can remember fromthe 80’s. If you get all 5 then you’re ace. If you get 3 or more, you’re brillo.If you get two or less, you’re a dinlo.

1) Tales of the Gold Monkey

Someone in it had a glass eye. Was ita monkey?

1 POINT: Very good! It was actuallya dog, and it starred Stephen Collins, who was Commander Decker in Star Trek:The Motion Picture, fact-fans!

2) Manimal

Aware of its existence but don’tthink I watched it. Bloke could turn into an animal. Might remember one scenein which he became a dolphin.

1 POINT: Starring SimonMacCorkindale, and also Melody Anderson, who played Dale Arden in the 1980 FLASH GORDON film, fact-fans!

3) Automan

A Tron-like chap who drove reallyfast.

1 POINT: Very Tron, wasn’t it? SurprisedDisney didn’t sue. It co-starred Desi Arnaz Jr - the son of Desi Arnaz and LucilleBall from ‘I Love Lucy’, fact-fans!

4) Cover-Up!

Nope, not a clue.

Ahhh, now this was a classic seriesabout spies going under cover as an international modelling agency!!! The leadactor Jon-Erik Hexum was mucking about with a gun loaded with blanks on set andhe ended up shooting himself in the head and dying from a brain hemorrhage. Ikid you not, fact-fans!

5) BJ and the Bear

Did it include a truck driver?

1 POINT: It did indeed! And achimpanzee (called Bear).

TOTAL POINTS = 4/5. VERDICT: brillo.

DC: What is the connection between ‘It Ain’t ‘alfHot, Mum’ and Gerry Anderson’s TERRAHAWKS?

SS: No fucking idea.

DC: (Windsor Davies (from TV’s ‘Never The Twain’) voiced Sgt Major Zero– little spherical robot things. And over the credits there would always be agame of TIC-TAC-TOE between the Zeroids (with an ‘O’ on them) and the Cubes (witha ‘X’ on them) and you had to wait until the very end to find out who wouldwin.)

DC: Which game is best: GUESS WHO or CONNECT 4?

SS: GUESS WHO? I am very good at that.

DC: What will be the subject of the next Steve Stackbook and when can we expect it?

SS: Not sure yet. If this one does well then I think I haveenough material for volume two. If not, I have other plans.

DC: Finally, this blog is but one of a long list ofplaces that you’ve popped in on during the past few weeks promoting ‘21^stCENTURY DODOS’, and I’m sure you’ve been asked lots of questions. But is thereone question about the book that no one has bothered to ask you yet?

SS: None of the bloggers have asked me to explain why we don’tsee white dog poo any more.

* I neglected to ask Steve this question, preferring to read his book instead. Why don't you do the same?

Many thanks to both Steve and Scott for their/his time, and just one final word from me is that you can catch Steve's next exciting blog interview RIGHT HERE tomorrow!!!

Peace.

The Tiny Wife - A Review

2011-09-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

THE TINY WIFE - by Andrew Kaufman

A REVIEW

Hardcover: 80 pages
Publisher: The Friday Project (1 Sep 2011)
ISBN-10: 0007429258
ISBN-13: 978-0007429257
Product Dimensions: 18 x 11.6 x 1.2 cm

Hello, you.

Those of you that often drop by my blog will know that I don't tend to write a lot of book reviews. I don't have anything against them, it's just that so many other bloggers do it so much better (You know who you are). But I am making an exception in this (very special case) because I loved this book so much that I wanted to try to convey my thoughts into words.

To those of you unfamiliar with the premise of 'The Tiny Wife':

"A robber charges into a bank with a loaded gun, but instead of taking any money he steals an item of sentimental value from each person. Once he has made his escape, strange things start to happen to the victims. A tattoo comes to life, a husband turns into a snowman, a baby starts to shit money. And Stacey Hinterland discovers that she’s shrinking, a little every day, and there is seemingly nothing that she or her husband can do to reverse the process.

Can Stacey and the other victims find a solution before it is too late?

The Tiny Wife is a weird and wonderful modern fable.

Small, but perfectly formed, it will charm, delight and unnerve in equal measure."

As an author, sometimes it can be hard to switch off the writer side of my brain and simply engage with the story as a reader. But on the flip-reverse, sometimes it can be very easy - and on some occasions (more often than I would care to admit even to this illustrious audience) I am left in awe (ie; jealous sick) of the author's ability to convey the simplest of details in such a perfect way. This book was full of those moments where I just stopped reading and evaluated my position within the universe of authors. My conclusion was that I am but a tiny little star, whereas Andrew Kaufman is a super-massive gas giant.

The first thing that hooked me about this book was the premise, or concept or whatever you want to call it. That elevator pitch "A robber charges into a bank with a loaded gun, but instead of taking any money he steals an item of sentimental value from each person" made me instantly curious to learn what would happen next. But it goes beyond a simple idea told well. Everything about it screams quality. The design, the size, the illustrations (especially), everything is perfect. Not a word out of place, or a chapter too long, or note not hit perfectly on pitch. It might be only 80 pages long, but the story is told with an economic (yet never overly-simplistic) approach to the writing that has trimmed off all the fat and left behind a small but perfectly formed piece of prime fillet.

It's the literary equivalent of fine cuisine versus All-You-Can-Eat buffet.

Even though Stacey Hinterland experiences some pretty tough times after her run-in with the thief, it is her husband (the narrator) that is the true beating heart of the story. As the situation worsens, there is an undercurrent to the dialogue, things said that really mean other things, the back-and-forth banter of a married couple who wear masks more often than they care to admit. Despite the profoundly bizarre punishment (?) that Stacey has to endure, it is the family as a whole that is affected and must endure.

I must also mention that one of the highlights of the story is learning what happens to the other customers in the bank on the day that the thief arrives. Some of it will make you smile, some of it will furrow your brow. All of it intriguing.

When I like a book this much, I find myself wanting to meet the author in person and shake his/her hand and thank him/her for creating such a fantastic little fable (whilst secretly hoping that I will be able to siphon off a little spark of their talent for my own selfish - and entirely commercial - uses). I want to learn more about them as a person, to find out what makes them tick, to see if they have an aura surrounding them or something obvious that labels them as a genius - or if they are just perfectly ordinary-looking on the outside. The wilder and more insane the story is, the more intriguing the author becomes to me. I would have loved to have met Lewis Carroll, Herge, Roald Dahl, or Douglas Adams for example. Being so far beyond your time, when it seems incredulous that such a thing of artistic perfection could be possible to create under the circumstances.

To sum up: I am insanely jealous of Andrew Kaufman.

But on the plus side, he just became one of those authors that I would readily buy anything that he wrote. Thankfully, we also have 'All My Friends Are Superheroes' and 'The Waterproof Bible', both of which I intend to devour with great expectation as soon as I am able.

Buy this book for yourself, or for someone you love.

The Tiny Wife (hardback).

The Tiny Wife (ebook).

Andrew's website.

Planet of the Japes

2011-09-08T04:18:00.000-07:00

Hello you.
Those who profess to know me know that I'm not what you might call a voracious blogger. I tend to write about things as and when they occur to me, or when I've got something interesting to share. Or completely trivial stuff that only seems to hold an interest to me. I shall let you make your own mind up which type this post is.

The subject for today's lecture has been a slow burner for me for a long time. I have always been a fan of Disney films for the most part (until they went all princessy), but my main love stemmed from their animated shorts, Mickey Mouse in particular. But ever since my youth I have thought that poor old Mickey suffered from Shadow Syndrome. You know, when someone who is supposed to be a side-player ends up stealing the show and becoming the runaway favourite by the masses - people like Captain Jack Sparrow and Han Solo to name but two...

I'm talking about Donald, of course. Now, Donald Duck was a rascal in a lot of the earlier Disney shorts. He was borderline psychotic and an evil little back-stabber whose 'tricks' involved all manner of dangerous objects and elements that could easily have seriously maimed Mickey, Goofy and Pluto. He was a rebel who always played outside the rules - and I loved him for it. He was easily the most interesting Disney character - verging ever-so dangerously towards Disney's biggest rivals when it comes to animated shorts - the incomparable Looney Tunes gang. Although to my knowledge Donald never resorted to exchanging Scrooge McDuck's bird-seed for buckshot, or hiding a stick of dynamite under Mickey's pillow, he was still a rule-breaker and you never quite knew where you stood with him. God knows why Mickey would want to be best friends with him, but that's always been the mouse's biggest problem: he's far too nice.

And just look at the other folk he hangs around with in the clubhouse.

Mickey is a mouse. Minnie is a mouse. Even the seldom seen these days Mortimer is a mouse.

Both Minnie and Mickey were hopelessly in love, and you got the sense that Mickey would always be true to her. He was just a nice mouse. He did nice things for people, and generally acted with a good conscience. Minnie was always a bit of an airhead too, so I could see how she would fall for Mickey. He was the star of the show, so of course that comes with all sorts of benefits.

Donald is a duck. He has webbed feet and feathery type hands/fingers. He talks in a quacky way and (for some inexplicable reason) he wears a sailor's outfit (stop sniggering) top - no trousers, though (which is odd, because Mickey wears trousers, and so does Goofy). For all his rough edges, he seems to genuinely care for Daisy, who also happens to be a duck (thankfully). She has always been way out of his league, and seems to have some sort of unhealthy obsession with the 1920's. She even dances like a flapper. But you can't deny that they make a nice couple and Daisy has just the right amount of spunk (stop sniggering) to deal with Donald's outrageous behaviour.

Let's confirm right now that in Mickey's world it is proven that it's possible for the animals to procreate - just look at Huey, Dewey and Louie for that proof - they are Donald's nephews and so they must have come from somewhere, right? (strangely, they are also Scrooge McDuck's nephews, yet Scrooge and Donald are not brothers - he's actually Donald's uncle too). Not even Jeremy Kyle could make sense of that family tree.

Goofy (we are led to believe) is a dog. He has floppy ears, bandy legs, a hillbilly accent and is a bit on the dense side. He's a charity case. He can talk and he walks upright in a very homo sapien way (if a bit awkwardly). He wears clothes, and even wears a hat at a jaunty angle. He is a bit of a liability, but unique in that his name accurately reflects his personality.

His sometime-girlfriend happens to be Clarabelle the cow.

That's right. A cow and a dog doing all sorts of..cow and dog type stuff. Everyone knows what male dogs are like, don't they? You've seen them in the park. Sniffing and licking dogs they barely know. Now, throw a cow (and the size of their tongues!) into that mix and you've got some seriously messed up stuff going down. You'd have to be David Attenborough to be able to work out the mechanics involved in how they do rudies. A mouse and a mouse I can deal with. It's normal and completely natural. A duck and a duck I get too. But a cow...and a dog? I don't even want to try to get my head around that one.

Now this is the interesting bit (I promised you there was one, remember?)

Pluto is also a dog. But he cannot talk and he walks on all four legs doggy-style (stop sniggering). He wears a collar around his neck (but no lead) and he barks. He eats out of a bowl on the floor and chases chipmunks. He is generally seen as Mickey's 'pet' - even in the modern day Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Pluto is still characterized as a traditional dog.

So what's up with that, Uncle Walt?

If you look at the facts, you might be inclined to say that Pluto is the odd one out because he is the only animal that continues to exhibit all the evolutionary traits (digging holes in the garden, chasing small rodents, eating bones, barking at butterflies) of his canine species.

(My personal theory is that he was blasted into space in a rocket in the late 1960's and crash landed on a planet where animals had evolved to be superior to human beings, treating them like slaves and hunting them on horseback through cornfields, and if only someone would take his collar off he'd be able to speak, thereby shattering decades of fabricated history concocted by the evolved animals' High Council who were the only ones keeping a dark secret under wraps, and one that Pluto is destined to learn once he takes a trip along the beach one day and comes face to face with the Statue of Liberty...)

Don't get me wrong, I don't lie awake at night debating (seriously, stop sniggering) this question, but every time I watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (which is frequently in my house) I can't help but feel sorry for poor old Pluto and the raw deal that he's been given. I fully appreciate that his legacy comes from a simpler time, before such things as human (or canine in this case) rights were introduced, the formation of the RSPCA and a time before everyone had the free vote, but if Mickey and the gang keep the abhorrent treatment of Pluto up for much longer, I can smell an uprising in the air...

...unless it's that unwelcome present that Pluto left in Minnie's garden under her bush (this is the last time I'm going to warn you).

Goofy certainly wouldn't foul the garden, would he?
He's got a little flap at the back of his trousers for doing a poo out of.

Freak or Unique ??

2011-08-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

Hello folks,

My email inbox must be a strange place to live.

Sometimes it is incredibly busy, with all sorts of secrets, lies and mysterious things flying about at once, yet at other times it is incredibly slow and I find myself pressing the Refresh button in Firefox just to make sure that it's not gone to sleep on me. Sometimes when I know Hotmail is being difficult, I might even sign out for an extended period just to show it who's boss. Then when I log back in, it's all like, "Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. I have no excuse for my churlish behaviour - it's just that I know you've been thinking about GMail behind my back. Here, have tons of mails!"

And then my inbox delivered me a nice little gift the other day, the finished cover to 'FREAKS!' - written by Caroline Smailes and Nik Perring, with illustrations by some dude called Darren Craske - and it's due out in all reputable bookshops in Spring of 2012.

My gut feeling tells me that it's going to be very well received, purely because of the talent involved and the sheer variety of stories on display is staggering, linked by a common thread - they are written by two people who know how to construct words into sentences, sentences into paragraphs and paragraphs into stories of an original blend.

This, dear friends, will be my 3rd book to be published (after two Cornelius Quaint chronicles - 'The Equivoque Principle' and 'The Eleventh Plague' are still available to buy in most formats AND the 3rd volume 'The Lazarus Curse' (and possibly the 4th one too) will be out mid-2012 wrapping up the 4 part arc that I originally intended wayyyy back in 2006 or something. Would I write such a long arc again, I hear you ask - for which the answer is a resounding NO. Single volume stories from me from now on, thanks. I can't be doing with all the waiting around.) Where 'Freaks!' differs is that not a word was penned by myself. No, I left that up to people better qualified and instead utilised the other string to my bow, which would be the drawing thing.

The book is very brilliantly described here: (link) so I need not add anymore other than to say that it's been fun turning other people's words into 2-dimensional representations. There are fifty stories in Freaks! and every one is accompanied by one of my pics. Some stories were incredibly easy to visualise, an instant snap image beamed into my brain - whereas others were a bit more of a challenge to bring to life. There are themes running through the short stories in that the characters are blessed/cursed with superhuman powers of differing impact and ability. These ain't the type to dress up in lycra and defend their local communities; they are just normal people with abnormal abilities, and the stories that Caroline Smailes and Nik Perring have come up with are truly original.

Both of those two are successful authors in their own right.

Caroline Smailes made an instant impact with her debut story 'In Search of Adam', followed by 'Black Boxes' - my personal favourite 'Like Bees To Honey' and very soon some other exciting digital projects. Caroline's website is located here and her blog is here.

Nik Perring is also very successful in the world of short story fiction, gaining an army of fans and excellent reviews for his debut collection of short stories 'Not So Perfect'.
Nik's website is here and he blogs frequently here.

And so to you, Mr Man and Mrs Woman, I present the front cover artwork for 'Freaks!'.

Why not pop on over to Amazon (other retailers are available) and pre-order yourself a copy.

Until next time - stay frosty, marines!!!

NEWS FLASH

2011-06-13T04:11:00.000-07:00

See what I did there? No. Suit yourself.

NEWS #1: just for those of you who have lost the link to my website, that's because it is no longer there. I'd like to say that's because a hotshot Hollywood type wanted to buy the domain name off me for an obscene sum of money, and me being a typically weak-willed and desperate type, decided to take the money and run.

But that wouldn't be true at all. Well, not the bit about the Hollywood type anyway. Most of the other stuff is probably true. Basically: even though it was terribly self-indulgent of me to have my own website, in all honesty I hardly ever found time to update it, preferring this blog, or Twitter, pigeons, smoke signals etc. And so, with regret, I have closed the site down. When I first got published, I thought it would be nice to have a sort of contact area for people to come and check out, but then I found that there was little I could input by way of updates - and if there's nothing I find more frustrating it's going to OTHER people's websites and finding they haven't updated it for six months, and so I thought, if I feel that way about OTHER people maybe someone else might feel that way about ME.

Sad thing is in this publishing world lark, sometimes a VERY LONG TIME goes by with nothing happening and then all of a sudden you might get LOADS of news at once.

Ironically, this is one of those times.

NEWS #2: today I mailed my last ever illustration to Caroline Smailes and Nik Perring for FREAKS! our most excellent collaboration, published by the mighty Friday Project no less, which happens to be due out in all good book stockists on 12th April 2012. It's been loads of fun, with me using my illustrating muscles for the first time in about 5 years or so. I have done only a snippet of professional illustration work in my life and this is the very first time that I have collaborated with anyone on anything that wasn't directly written by me, so it is a milestone for lots of good reasons.

Coming from an arty background, and loving comics and superheroes as much as I do, I've always thought that I would be one of those writers who illustrates his own books, but my ones so far (Cornelius Quaint Chronicles - out now, kids!) have not really lent themselves to illustrations. Although, I am still attempting to finish off my children's book and get that snapped up, so I will definitely try to get the gig to draw the pictures for that one.

So this was (and remains to be) the only opportunity I have had to see any of my drawings properly in print, and it all started when Caroline Smailes (who I know "virtually" but have never met in the flesh although I imagine it might be quite fun one day to do so) contacted me to ask if I was interested in collaborating on one of her books. I like and admire her, and so I said yes. I think at that time I misjudged just how long it would take me to draw the (then) 30 (now 50) illustrations, and also how attached to the finished product I would be. At first it was just a favour for a friend, but as I read the many varied stories by Caroline and not forgetting Mr Nik Perring, I found my confidence developing with every picture, and also maybe seeing the illustrations as not quite as 'throwaway' as I'd thought. Because illustrations are usually just nice bits of sprinkling on the cake aren't they? They're not supposed to be world-shattering, they are like a visual clue or something, or a hint as to what a character looks like. But in the case of Freaks! I genuinely think the book would be a completely different animal without the illustrations. There are many pics that I love looking at time and time again, and for the most part, I am extremely proud of them in their own right.

But now here we are, with over 50 illustrations now completed (alongside their accompanying brilliant stories of course) and I think that FREAKS! is going to surprise a lot of people. I have definitely never read anything like it. All the stories that Nik and Caroline have come up with are fantastically imaginative,original, honest, 'real', and some are just plain off the wall mental - in a good way, of course.

So I am very much looking forward to 2012, and it was so kind of the Mayans to give us a few months head-start before the destruction of the Earth as we know it. I'd like to think that as prescient as they clearly were, maybe they knew that FREAKS! would be massively popular, and they wanted to bathe me in untold riches prior to the extermination of every single life-form on the face of the planet.

NEWS #3: another aspect of 2012 which makes it pretty mega for me is the publication of the third Cornelius Quaint novel, The Lazarus Curse on 1st MARCH. This book has been a long time coming, delayed from the 2011 schedule for reasons beyond my ability to influence. (between you and me, there are some discussions on doing something with this book that I cannot possibly comment on, but if it comes off, I think it'll be pretty bloody spectacular).

Lazarus picks up hot on the heels of the cliffhanger to The Eleventh Plague, which some of you (specifically anyone that has read it) will know saw the master conjuror Cornelius Quaint and his clairvoyant companion Madame Destine head to Egypt, to foil the villainous Hades Consortium's plot to poison the River Nile. To anyone who's yet to read it, it's totally amazing and of the two books I have out in print, it is easily and by far the best one. There's so much action, adventure, double-crosses and some pretty gory violence mixed with boisterous comedy. (SPOILER ALERT: a baddie even gets their arms hacked off which is always cool.)

I would like to invite any of the nice people who have read either of my books to review it online somewhere if they can. This always helps casual buyers form an opinion - without being swamped by negative reviews, and allowing someone else's discomfort to influence your own. Not that every negative review is something I have an issue with -ABSOLUTELY NOT - Feedback is oxygen to an author, and some of the best creative decisions that I HAVE and HAVE NOT made have been due solely to constructive criticism from one of my peers/friends/readers.reviewers. Authors want to be liked by the masses and it's in our best interests to listen to what people say, even when it is hard.

I read a review of The Equivoque Principle on Amazon (I won't name it) which totally changed the way I viewed a certain character, and also a key plot direction. It made me think. I was not in some isolated bubble writing for myself - I was writing for other people, and that is the most valuable lesson that an author needs to learn.

NEWS #4: it's raining again.

And so, until next time.......good night, San Dimas.

DC.

BREAKING NEWS!!!

2011-03-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so after my previous attempt to impart some extra special news I would like to try again.

Ahem.

I have received word that the ink has dried on the contracts and today I can tell you some very excellent news. For all you pony-eyed hacks who said I'd never amount to nuthin', how I was destined to stay in the gutter where I belonged, well booyahsucks to you!! You were wrong.
Deal with it.

Actually, no one ever said any of those things to me. At least, not to my face.
But even if they had, I would have silenced the jokers with this latest news:

The first thing you need to know is that this book is unlike any other you have ever read.
The second thing is that the sentence directly above this one is absolutely true.
The third thing (if things one and two haven't already got you reaching for the pre-order button) is that I am illustrating a brand new book called 'Freaks!' which is going to be published by The Friday Project in Spring 2012.

The official quote from TFP is that 'Freaks!' is "a unique collaboration", and it sees me provide the illustrations to some dazzlingly original, off the wall and downright mental stories penned by brilliant authors Caroline Smailes and Nik Perring.

The official quote from me is that 'Freaks!' is "a collection of 50 (Count 'em!) short stories brilliantly written by Caroline and Nik, and they all feature people with uncanny abilities (be it a gift or a curse). The powers range from matter duplication, physical metamorphosis, flight, super-strength, to someone who is able to generate his own luck.

If you want the official roll call from this link it says that we are:

* Caroline Smailes - author of three novels published by The Friday Project, the most recent of which, Like Bees to Honey was described by Chris Cleave as 'haunting, heartfelt and beautiful'.
* Nik Perring - author of acclaimed collection of very short short stories, Not So Perfect, was published by Roast Books last year.
* Darren Craske - illustrator of Freaks, is also a novelist with his Cornelius Quaint chronicles hailed as 'a boisterous comedy with hairpin plot twists' by The Times.

....and it gets better.

The esteemed Scott Pack, publisher of The Friday Project, has really championed this idea and the book will be published in the style of a traditional Japanese manga book and I hope all the combined fans of Caroline, Nik (and dare I say my own) will help us make this something that people are still talking about years in the future...

Peace in the valley!
DC.

Getting To Know Me, Getting To Know All About Me...

2011-03-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

Hi all you Quaint folks,

I tend to keep my news on this site Cornelius-Quaint centric, because - well, let's be honest, that's the only news I can offer. But no longer, my faithful chums!

When I started this blog it was kind of a reaction to some other excellent booky/authory type sites that I look at. Also, I wanted to have a forum to share my thoughts and ideas, views and reviews, and the odd random article about my two specialised subjects - superheroes and Star Wars. So whenever I have any real news to tell, it sometimes gets lost in the mire. But this news is a little different, and it's something that might surprise anyone who has been kind enough to subsidise several of my family holidays by buying one or more of my books. I love every one of you, and I am perfectly willing to say it openly.

This news is different for roundabout 3 reasons.

1) I am collaborating for the first time with 2 excellent authors in their own right.
2) I am not writing a single word.
3) I am illustrating the book.

There. I said it. Illustrating and not writing, you say? Where has that come from?
To those that don't know me this might come as a surprise, unless you read all the teeny tiny copyright stuff on the covers of The Equivoque Principle and The Eleventh Plague and noticed that I (half) illustrated them - in conjunction with a fab designer-type bloke who made me look far more talented than I really am.

Well, illustrating has always been in my blood dating back to gifts inherited from my grandfather, and I have dabbled in comic strips and things over the years before I got my break doing the words instead of the pictures.

To anyone that hasn't read any of my books yet, it will actually HELP you to know that I am a massive comics fan, just so you know what to expect going into The Equivoque Principle.

I feel a rant coming on....

Someone once said my books were like Marmite, you either love them or you hate them. I'd like to think that no one actually hates them, but you get the idea. Personally, I quite like Marmite and have done for years, but judging by some of the reviews on Amazon (not that I am, by the way, as just as there are some bloody prolific and excellent bloggers/reviiewers out there that do a fantastic job of spreading word of mouth - there is also a lot of showboating primadonnas leaving crap reviews and generally being far too picky for their own good in sometimes brutally-worded attacks that they have left many an author's confidence (nay, career perhaps) in tatters) My readership on the whole is a lot like Marmite too. I've had some people flouncing about giving me the old 'Oh, it's not true Victorian because of this....' or 'They never had XXX back in the olden times!'. But I have also had tons (not metric) of people who have been nice enough to drop me an email to say how much they enjoyed my books, or left a nice, honest well-rounded review on many a book site...you know the ones, where a reviewer goes to the trouble to explain why they liked something, or perhaps why they did not, but in a constructive way as opposed to a negative one.
In fact, I have made changes to future books, or my style of writing, or the plot of something in particular, based purely on feedback that I received from a loyal reader. That is what it is for ladies and gentlemen. Two way communication. I am a reader and I have spoken. Thank you, reader, I am an author and I am listening...

Depending on which review you read, you might be utterly confused about this Darren Craske bloke and his adventuring conjuror creation Cornelius Quaint - and I wouldn't blame you.

In short, my books are kind of Indiana Jones meets Sherlock Holmes type things. Lots of bang for your buck. Thrills and spills, escapes and derring do. Pantomime villains and square-jawed heroes, set against the backdrop of Victorian London (in Equivoque), Egypt in the 1850's (Eleventh Plague) and the sea-faring trade routes of the Orient (Lazarus Curse - book 3 to be released!). Each book is written in the style of the Victorian penny dreadful, and is meant as a light-hearted and exciting adventure book.

They are NOT supposed to be:

a) Studies on Victorian culture
b) A dull and boring history lesson

c) A poor imitation of Mr Whicher/ Sherlock Holmes/ Erast Fandorin/ Dream Eaters and/or any other fictional Victoriana tome
d) A waste of paper

So for god sake, lighten up, will you? Okay, so you paid £7 or whatever for a book that you didn't like. Snap! I've done it shitloads of times and do you know what I've done?
If I really disliked it that much I have stopped reading it, chalked it up to the odds of picking a wrong-un out of the thousands of books that I buy that live up to my expectations, and I give it to a bloody charity shop - at least that way someone can make some money out of it.

Oh dear.
It seems my rant has eclipsed the real reason why I went to all the effort of logging into my blog page today in the first place and now I fear that the important announcement bit might be lost in the message.
Sod it, I'll write about that next time, readers!!!

Oh!!! And I hope you don't mind me blowing my own trumpet, (that reminds me, I must get my back seen to) but I thought I might share with you a direct quote from Prince William's bride-to-be Kate Middleton, when asked what she thought of my work:

KM: "Who?"

Peace in the valley.
DC

Green with envy

2010-09-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

(clicky linkies to learn more)
In a totally random post....I picked up a trade paperback of GREEN LANTERN: Rebirth the other day (written by Geoff Johns with art by the superlative Ethan Van Sciver) and after I'd finished it, I realised that if the sole intention of the book was to re-energise Hal Jordan's legend as the #1 Green Lantern of all time then it did its job and then some.

Hal Jordan was 'my' Green Lantern (to borrow a Who-ism). Hal is the most identifiable of the Green Lanterns of Sector 2814 (of which there have been a few, but I digress). When you think of DC Comics' 1970's heyday, the cast of Superfriends (the animated TV show, not the kids toys) defined all that was great about DC and just how many of their characters have infected popular culture. Yes, Marvel has it's Hulk, Spider-Man, X-Men, Iron Man (and soon to be Avengers) in the public eye - mostly thanks to its movies - but DC has some of the most iconic figures in the past 70 years: Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, Robin. All are still going strong, their paths held true irrespective of how well their box office counterparts fare. There is also 2nd tier of characters (although still well known in some circles, perhaps not known widely by the man in the street) and it is here that Green Lantern sits, amongst Green Arrow, Black Canary, Red Tornado, Hawkman, and Aquaman for example.

There's something a bit more special in the DC toybox of characters...and I think that it's more subconscious, as if the DC superheroes are almost part of their own kind of mythology. As a kid growing up, the DC characters were all over the place on TV, cartoons and comics whereas Marvel were pretty much defined by one character - Spider-Man...until the late-1980's/ early 1990's. This period was to be Marvel's most prolific, and it's most successful. Their characters were more street, more cutting edge, more real for a world where the Berlin Wall had come down and mistrust and violence began to bleed onto our streets. Suddenly, Marvel's mainstay of characters made more sense in the new world of the 20th Century than DC's - and despite the heights of Batman and Superman, they were on shaky ground.

They had their core team, but the Justice League of America wasn't doing the kind of business that the X-titles were doing. So what else could DC do but compete, and then everything that had made DC individual became the very thing that darkened their door. They looked to the competition, they borrowed themes, characters' motivations, they became influenced by their competitors as opposed to eclipsing them, thereby forever being in their shadow.

Not too long ago, something happened. The hardcore comics community reacted against the Marvel manner. Marvel made better films, DC had better writers, Marvel had better artists, DC had better characters. Maybe the formation of Image Comics in 1991 was the event that was pre-destined, a time when there was no longer just Marvel and DC in the game. It evened out the playing field a bit, enabling both DC and Marvel to take stock and revitalise exactly what it was about their toybox that made them both so popular.

Marvel looked to the future, attempting to relaunch old fan-favourite titles, reinvent popular heroes and concepts, and kickstart brand new heroes who had the potential to be every bit as popular as Spider-Man and the X-Men.

DC too went through changes. Superman turning blue and electric, Batman breaking his spine, Wonder Woman's role usurped, Superman dying...and then coming back to life....and then there was this little event that did not go unnoticed in 1994, leaving a scar upon the DC Universe to this day...that event, my friends, was called ZERO HOUR.

ZERO HOUR was about the corruption of one hero's soul as Hal Jordan (then Green Lantern) forsook his role as protector of the Universe and became the villain called Parallax.

That was a sad time. A reflection of the time.

The character who had been with me all of my life, one of my favourite super-heroes, was gone. In his place was a villain who wore his face and form, but not his heart. Hal Jordan was cocky, and fearless and he possessed incredible willpower - the reason why he was the #1 GL - and yet all that he had accomplished in his lifetime was tarnished with one (editorial) act.

Parallax was bad, killed a lot of folk, did some dire stuff. And for a while he was pretty much unstoppable, but even with all his power there was one thing that he did not count on..........no, not Hal Jordan's incredible humanity, but something even more unexpected.....it was just how much the DC Universe needed a Hal Jordan.

You'll note that I don't say it needed a Green Lantern: it didn't. The Universe had loads of them (up until Parallax, but that's another tale) operating across the stars. Myriad species of aliens, a singular hero from each star system elevated to greatness by the Guardians of the planet Oa, each one gifted with a magical green ring that was powered by a central battery that soaked up all the willpower in the Universe, allowing its wearer to perform limitless feats. Flying in space unaided, creating giant boxing gloves, translating alien tongues - the ring's power was limitless. No, what the Universe needed was a Hal Jordan....and the comics buying public had to wait for 10 years before he came back.

And that's what GREEN LANTERN: Rebirth is all about....one man's soul's redemption and return to glory. I urge anyone even remotely interested in the new Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern movie to read it. The trade paperback collect's the original issues 1-5 with a gallery of used and variant covers. You can pick it up for around £8 here and there, and on e-bay....and as a precursor to the film, it might just whet your appetite.

More interesting than anything is that the interest in Hal Jordan as Green Lantern (as opposed to John Stewart, Guy Gardner or Kyle Rayner) is that he is the archetypal GL, and this rebirth (reboot, call it whatever) happened years before the movie was in production and was not just rushed into continuity to reflect how he might be more commonly portrayed on film (such as what happened to the X-Men books once the 'look' of the film was established).

DC Comics no longer needs to compare or compete. In the end, they won. It's not even down to having respect for the characters...it's about respect for the fans....(YES, comics fans....we now have a voice!) It's substance over style, characterization over character, and a dedication to the world's fans that they were fully aware of the mythology that they were in charge of.

Excelsi- Oh, wait..........that's the other one.
Peace.

OUT OF THE CLOSET (not like THAT)

2010-07-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, so things have been happening over in SDCC at the moment - that's the San Diego Comic-Con, if you're interested in all that kind of thing. But you are, aren't you? I mean, EVERYONE seems to be interested in the genre (or splicing of genres). It's so weird. There seems no end of updates, articles, photos and reviews kicking around the net at the moment - or maybe it's just the sites that I go to frequently. But no. There's more to it than that. Facebook, Twitter and the like - all kinds of social networking tools are getting in on the deal. There's a real thrust to the information too, with many sites (Newsarama, AICN, Den of Geek etc) competing against each other for a scoop - whilst at the same time giving their 'rivals' props for exclusive news (and by 'props' I don't mean a life-sized Abin Sur corpse in a glass casket).

From my initial tone you might at first think that I think this is a bad thing. Far from it, I have waited for this day for a long time - for when comic books and formerly labelled 'nerdy stuff' are acceptable reading and NOT just for kids. A cross-pooling of all the best things in the many fields of entertainment. Games designers and companies, comic artists/writers/ yes...even inkers, actors, directors, producers, hangers-on, toy manufacturers. Basically, everything that has the capacity to make money by tapping into the planet's imaginations. This time of year is always an exciting time for the cons (conventions, don'cha know) but especially THIS year....because the big companies are out in force drumming up hype and support for the BIG THINGS coming our way in 2011 and beyond.

TRON Legacy is a big draw at SDCC, as is Scott Pilgrim versus the World, Transformers 3 to name but three...but there are some other BIG THINGS touting their wares too that eclipse them. I am referring to Marvel's THOR movie, directed by Kenneth Branagh and starring Chris Hemsworth as Thor and (I SO totally would, even with short hair) Natalie Portman as Thor's love interest, Jane Foster....

And then there's another comic adaption due out in 2011, a film that you may or may not have heard of - but if you knew what I was going on about with Thor, then it's a safe bet you already have - of course, I mean GREEN LANTERN starring Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan.

AND THAT'S NOT ALL, as Marvel films are already on The Avengers bandwagon (confirmed now to be directed by Joss Whedon of Buffy fame) and it's not even OUT until 2012....I am of course talking about Chris Evans (no, not THAT one) playing the First Avenger himself; CAPTAIN AMERICA.

So by 2012 when The Avengers is released we will see Robert Downey Jr, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johanssen and Samuel L Jackson (plus whoever they get to play Bruce Banner) all in the same room with so much action and explosions per minute that it will make your granny's ears bleed. Marvel has a cupboard-load of franchises waiting in the wings - and now that they are owned by Disney, it means that the best creators in the business will be lining up to take a shot. DC are also cutting in on the deal with the likes of WONDER WOMAN, the new Chris/Jonathan Nolan SUPERMAN as well as of course....a little something called BATMAN 3.

And then no doubt the cycle starts all over again with a million and one imitations.

Us comics fans have been spoiled in the past 10 years or so, ever since the first X-MEN film, when Hollywood (and moviegoers) started to take comic book movie franchises seriously. It helps that CGI and technical wizardry has come on leaps and bounds. A superhero film HAS to be a blockbusting summer tent-pole movie, and a superhero film HAS to have lots of special effects...but not necessarily a big name star - otherwise all that moviegoers will see is basically exactly how superhero movies were treated in the nineties - with derision. But even with CGI and loads of money, a superhero film HAS to have one more thing if it's going to compete with some of the genre's best efforts (Spider-Man 1&2, X-MEN 1&2, Batman Begins, Iron Man, The Dark Knight to name a few).........and that, my friends, is an intelligent treatment of the idea.

This, my friends, is imagination version 2.0.

I have been reading comic books since I was about 12 and properly collecting since I was around 14. I immersed myself in the Marvel and DC Comics worlds growing up, and still regularly keep my hand in - even if I can no longer afford the extortionate prices of a monthly. A lot of my own writing (if you know where to look) is directly associated to my mind's mixture of all that I have learned and loved in comics. and 'my kind' of movie. The three subjects that I know most about in all the world are Star Wars, James Bond films and superheroes. I mean, if I was on Mastermind I would totally ace my specialised subject. I reckon I'd probably score about a million or something, but anyway....due to my ploughing of back issues, trade paperbacks, graphic novels and so on and so forth ADDED to my love of films and TV and sci-fi for a LONG time the world's were separated. The world of the superhero was always one that had tantalised Hollywood, and there was a general feeling that doing a decent superhero film was impossible - and this was BEFORE the internet kicked off and its notorious armies of fanboys and girls threatened to petrol bomb Ang Lee's house.

If we were to trace the comic book movie's recent success from today to when Hollywood has at last got things right, the obvious choice might be the first SUPERMAN film with Christopher Reeve in 1978 - but I would disagree. One might also suggest the Tim Burton BATMAN movie in 1989 had a great deal of input, but again, I would disagree. Both those franchises (the first 2 films at least) were incredibly ground-breaking both in their subject matter, their popularity, their exposure and general 'coolness', however...both of them suffered from sequels that only served to tarnish the original's success (yes, I am looking at you, SUPERMAN IV THE QUEST FOR PEACE) and both ended up severely damaging not only their own franchise, but the whole concept of a superhero movie that was not either ridiculed by the press, went straight to VHS/DVD or sincerely apologised for.

One classic example is the Bryan Singer X-MEN film. Now, bearing in mind that at that point very few people outside of the comics world had ever heard of Wolverine and co, Singer developed a crucial flip on the superhero film - in essence, he didn't sell the audience short. He grounded it in reality. Okay, so there are more comicky bits thrown into the mix - he had to mention the yellow spandex - but the design and mission statement on that film did not belittle the original inspiration. X-MEN as a comic book didn't need any more exposure. It had remained Marvel's top-selling title (plus spawning a whole range of other books X-FACTOR, NEW MUTANTS, X-FORCE etc) for many years....but Bryan Singer kind of caught people by surprise, helped in no small way by Mr Hugh Jackman who helped 'sell' the movie to non-comic book fans. Although not perfect, X-MEN was about as close as we could get at that time to an all-round faithful adaptation of our beloved mutants. And so what happened once the movie had proved itself popular with millions of people around the world? Marvel went and redesigned the X-MEN titles to look exactly like their movie counterparts and it was such a ridiculous cop-out. Why kneel to Hollywood's whim? Why could they not expect fans of movies to dig the movies, and fans of the comics to dig the comics? Why was there a need for such in your face branding that the original inspiration ended up aping its movie counterpart? For me, that was the only thing that let X-MEN down, but that was a comic problem, not a movie one.

Some of the greatest comics books are still going by their original number today, or if not then they are at least still putting the books out there each month. That's month on month, reliable, solid, exciting, imaginative, wildly fantastic stories - if Action Comics can make it to issue 700 or whatever it is and still entertain its audience every month since 1938 - how come Hollywood superhero movies tend to run out of steam after the second film???

Just as a film like 'Star Wars' birthed a slew of science fiction counterfeit copycats in the late 70's, so too did Burton's BATMAN in the late 80's/early 90s'. In movies, TV (and even in comics themselves!) all of a sudden dark and broody heroes were all the rage, wearing muscle-moulded costumes that (frankly) sucked big time. Superheroes became a hot property on the back of BATMAN. But they lacked substance. And eventually, people got bored of Danny Elfman soundtracks and gravelly-voiced heroes of the night and so Hollywood looked elsewhere.

Actually it looked inward....to THE MATRIX, where you could make a sense-twisting action movie grounded firmly in a world not reliant on logic.

The 1990's saw Marvel and DC (but mostly Marvel) break out a new generation of hot artists and they stuck them on their biggest titles and saw the sales go through the roof. Jim Lee on X-Men, Whilce Portacio on Uncanny X-Men, Rob Liefeld on X-Force, Todd McFarlane on Spider-Man - to name but a few). Marvel were churning out gritty, street-level heroes by the bucket-load completely blind to the irony of it all.

Comics inspire movies and TV that then go on to influence the comic book.

But in my mind it is clear that if it wasn't for the X-MEN movie and Bryan Singer (specifically) there would have been no Ang Lee HULK, no Sam Raimi SPIDER-MAN and (crucially) no X-MEN 2 - in my opinion THE best superhero movie of All Time. And then if there's no SPIDER-MAN there would have been no SUPERMAN RETURNS, BATMAN BEGINS, THE DARK KNIGHT, WATCHMEN, IRON MAN, KICK-ASS, no THOR, no GREEN LANTERN and definitely no AVENGERS............and that's not even including all the non-superhero movies inspired from comic book material AMERICAN SPLENDOR, 300, SIN CITY, SCOTT PILGRIM, ROAD TO PERDITION and on and on and on....you'd probably be amazed what films you love that have been sourced from comic books.

So that is why, in my humble yet incredibly well-read opinion, the first X-MEN movie was a catalyst that somehow convinced the normal, everyday Mr and Mrs Joe Public that it was OKAY to like superhero films. They weren't for kids. This ain't the frickin' Power Rangers, dude! Superhero movies BELONG out there. Not every superhero movie is BATMAN AND ROBIN. They can be wild, they can be headfucking, they can be visceral, cerebral, surreal and they can be fantastic - a celebration of imagination, not something that has to be 'grown out of' when we become adults. Think TOY STORY.....now, those movies appeal to both adults and kids alike. The balance is superb, and no other movie series has quite managed to juggle the ages quite so successfully.

But THAT is a story for another time.

Eleven Degrees of Separation

2010-07-19T05:29:00.000-07:00

Can I say something that might shock you? I like drinking.
But if there's one thing I enjoy more than solely drinking, it's doing so with my stalwart friend ArlowWeeks. One such event occurred this past weekend, and as is invariably inevitable these past few years, the subject of Doctor Who came up. We are both avid fans and can easily make a Who conversation (and all its myriad tangents) last for hours.

This time we discussed the recent Sun 'news'paper story about Matt Smith departing the role of the Doctor after the next series/season. I personally think this is absolute tosh, but it's not the first time I've been wrong. Both my stalwart friend and I are firmly in the Matt Smith camp (although if you were to ask our significant others, they might say we've been camp for years). Mr Smith brings with him so much vibrancy, purpose, enthusiasm and above all, he is the first actor/Doctor to actually embody all the various and interesting characteristics of his former regenerations.

If you look at previous regenerations, it's almost been common to try to move in a different direction than your predecessor. That's understandable, in both an actor's point of view, for the longevity of the TV show, and also for the character of the Doctor - let's not forget that the concept of regenerations was one cleverly dreamed up to solve a casting crisis, yet that doesn't mean there aren't rules. And then there are some traits that are inherently 'the Doctor' - the man is clearly a genius in many fields, but he doesn't necessarily have access to all his faculties all of the time, think Stephen Hawking mixed with Jack Sparrow...you know, THAT kind of genius.

I have prepared this handy breakdown of the Doctor's 11 personalities since the Hartnell years, and here it is:

Doc 1: irascible, occasionally bad-tempered, clearly a genius

Doc 2: clownish, thinks on the fly, underestimated by outward appearance

Doc 3: dandy, selfish to an extent, rough edges

Doc 4: a bit mad, prone to tangental thoughts, playful, mood swings

Doc 5: gentle, old-fashioned, old man in a young body, a bit shouty at times

Doc 6: irascible, prone to tangental thoughts, egotistical

Doc 7: irascible, underestimated by outward appearance

Doc 8: playful, clearly a genius

Doc 9: clownish, thinks on the fly, playful, mood swings

Doc 10: a bit shouty at times, preachy, know-it-all, superior

Doc 11: irascible, occasionally bad-tempered, clearly a genius, clownish, thinks on the fly, underestimated by outward appearance, dandy, selfish to an extent, rough edges, a bit mad, prone to tangental thoughts, playful, mood swings, gentle, old-fashioned, old man in a young body, a teeny weeny bit shouty at times but far less so than his predecessor, egotistical, occasionally brilliant....

So, in essence, one of the best things about Matt Smith's portrayal of the Doctor is his ability (whether conscious, unconscious, or merely suggested by Grand Moff Steve) to embody characteristics of his previous selves. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense - yet I got the impression in past years that actors were keen to make the role 'their own' and put their own unique stamp on the character. I imagine that would probably be one of the most fun aspects of being given the role - to look for and hopefully find a certain something that is both familiar and yet totally new.

Matt Smith has admitted in his research for the role he read a lot of Albert Einstein's theories and quotations, plus watching a lot of Patrick Troughton. He has not actually stated that he intentionally researched various 'Doctor' characteristics, but even if he didn't - the very fact that he employs them makes him stand out as a Doctor.

Just be thankful that the BBC went for an intelligent actor/writer combination than an act of stunt-casting for a good-looking, totally unbelievable Doctor. My money is on Smith not only sticking around for a while yet, but after his tenure inside the TARDIS comes to an end, people will look back fondly and he'll sit up there at the top next to the likes of Baker, Troughton and Tennant.

Now....as for his companion Amy Pond's longevity, I am not 100% sold yet until I see her posing naked with a Dalek.

Team Building Exercise

2010-07-12T04:33:00.000-07:00

It would probably be a fair comment to say that perhaps I don't make the best of this blog by talking more about my books and so on. I'm not sure why that is, but if I were to put some thought into it, I would probably say that it's down to me.

     I never succeeded enough for any trumpet-blowing before, probably because I was never really much good at anything of note when I was growing up except for drawing and writing. But it was always as an aside, a hobby, because the teachers and my family and stuff didn't ever assume that it was a valid career path, considering the low probability of actually making enough money to be able to eat on a regular basis. Art (in all its forms), performance and dancing (in all its forms) and writing (in all its forms) and possibly music too are very different aspects of 'the Arts', and not all have the ability to found a career on - which is clearly why the Arts are generally promoted in schools (at least in my personal experience) as a kind of break from 'real lessons'. Well, art lessons for me at school were serious - as serious as my English language lessons - mostly because Art and English were the only subjects that I was any good at.

     I do find it funny that as I rapidly approach 40 I find myself not only still getting joy out of writing and drawing, but as destiny has foretold, I have also turned it into something resembling the formative embryo of a career. Yes, that's right I am not a full-time author. I know loads and loads of authors (mostly thanks to twitter!) and I don't think I know a single one of them who writes full-time. As has been drummed into me many times, very few authors succeed enough to be able to support themselves by their writing. We can't all be Rowlings or Meyers. I can't speak for Ms Meyer, but I do know enough about JKR to know that Harry Potter was a labour of love and something that she actively championed with every fibre of her being. You can say what you like about her success (and a lot of people do - jealously, I might add) but you cannot deny that she's earned it. She faced rejection many times, uncertainty a lot, cried and bled for her art and success came as a by-product of that hard work. Things probably changed for JKR a bit over the past 10 years, but she is still fiercely protective of her legacy and her creations, and that amount of love can only come from someone who achieved and then eclipsed her life's dreams.

     So it is with somewhat of a sheltered existence that I do what I do. In some ways, nothing has changed since I was 8 years-old. Writing and drawing is still a hobby of mine, a career not yet given the official stamp of approval, yet one that earns enough to pay for a lovely holiday with the brood every once in a while. So essentially, I am still me. Nothing even remotely resembling fame has gone to my head. I think there is a vast difference between fame and recognition. Artists (of ALL kinds) are often typified by the love of their craft, tortured souls sometimes, yet ones beholden to a higher purpose in life and the 'real' ones amongst them do this because they want their work to be heard, be it a three-chord strum, a heart-melting lyric, an awe-inspiring piece of art, or whatever. They don't do it for the cash. Don't get me wrong: I would love to be able to earn enough money to focus on my craft full-time and who knows, it might happen in time...but I am very thankful for what I've got. Positive recognition is far more important to me. To have people (of any age) reading your book and taking the time to let you know that they loved it is all I wanted to achieve.

     But I have ALREADY achieved something, you might say. Getting published is a cause for celebration, and was something that I worked hard to achieve for many years and suffered many a rejection or two myself, to be sure. I did end up with what I wanted (didnt I?) but just like on a game show where the questions get harder the more money you win, I knew I had more in me. You can't really complain when your life is full of so many achievements - even if there is a brand new one waiting in the wings - but being an isolated writer, sometimes with a lot of time on your hands - you can't help but think about what you do and come out of it lacking something, that missing one per cent. Coming from a comic book background, I am used to focusing on 'the next issue'...and that is still with me. When my 1st book (The Equivoque Principle) was released I was high on the emotion of the culmination of a dream that I had held tentatively for so long. But....what do you do once you have achieved your dream? Where do you go? In my case...I looked for another one.

'The Equivoque Principle' was first released in limited edition hardback in 2008. Only 1000 copies were ever made and plenty sold, and this was a strong act of faith on the part of my publishers as the book wasn't promoted anywhere and only (Ha! He says 'only'!) reviewed in The Times. It wouldn't be an understatement to say that not all of them sold, but so what? I had made it. I had achieved a (not THE) dream and accomplished a feat that millions of people strive for all over the world. As I've always wanted to use the word 'churlish' in a sentence but have never really had the opportunity, let me just say that I think it would be churlish of me to have achieved such a splendid feat and not consider it a triumph. Just take some time to stand back and be proud of something.

     In the interim between the hardback and the paperback release of Equivoque I had written not one but two more sequels (and as you read this, the fourth as been gathering virtual dust on my hard drive for a year or more). I had the pleasure of seeing Equivoque do well in paperback, promoted in Waterstones' 3 for 2 - which for a writer is the equivalent of being a popstar and getting Radio 1 airplay. And then in March of this year, along came The Eleventh Plague, the direct sequel to Equivoque (as those of you who have read it will know) picks up not long after the last word on the last page of The Equivoque Principle just before the full-stop.

I was (and still am) excited about The Eleventh Plague in many ways. It's better written, more surprising, more of a solid plot, more intriguing, more tantalising, more boisterous, more funny, more violent (Spoiler Alert: PEOPLE DIE IN IT!!!). It is a worthy (and in my view a better) sequel and I really want people to buy it, read it - and then tell me (and others, of course!) their feedback. I always take time to reply (even to the helpful freelance 'editor' that laid into me in an email once, the likes of which made me seriously question myself as a writer because it was SO hurtful) because to me the response is part of the deal. As a kid growing up (and even an adult) I would have loved the opportunity to voice my opinion to some of my writer heroes. Some are dead, others still live, and it's sometimes very disarming reading a tweet from someone like Neil Gaiman (who I revere) because that wall has been taken down that used to separate the artist from the masses, and he is (relatively speaking) almost close enough to touch. Imagine if Van Gogh had been on twitter back in the old days. He would have been able to see what trending hashtags were attached to his work (#ilovesunflowers), he could blog to his heart's content and maybe he might feel a bit better about life.

But the door swings both ways. You can't present yourself as an open persona willing people to give you feedback on your work without inviting the more negative of nay-sayers to spit their venom at you - so it's a balance. Come to think of it, perhaps poor old Vincent was better off not knowing what people thought of his art, but it might have done him the world of good to hear something positive. It's like someone famous bleating about their lack of privacy after they'd built a career out of doing reality TV shows - if you can't do the time, don't do the crime -and yes, Katie, Kerry and Peter - I'm talking to you.

So, because I rarely do this on this blog I thought what the hell, today is about ME. I will openly and unashamedly talk about myself and see how it feels. A bit liberating, a bit egotistical ifs the answer if I am honest. I don't like to blow my own trumpet, I don't even know how to purse my lips properly to make the sound. I'm not used to it. I'm still that 8 year-old boy being told that Art is for kids who are no good at football at heart. But I need to grab myself firmly by the shoulders and give myself a damn good shake. Especially in this facebook-blog-twitter-verse that we live in nowadays, being social is how you do things. It's all about the networking. In this age it isn't enough to just do what you do - you need to tell people that you are doing it too.

That's the point of this blog today. To look back and be proud of what I have achieved and then use it as a platform to look forward to what other dreams I can achieve - and there are so many more. Good stuff, very good, is on the horizon, but I can't disclose it just yet - top secret and all that - but when I can talk about it, you'll be the first to know - assuming that anyone apart from me and my friends actually READS this blog?

Do you?
Do you really?

I don't know, I'm trying to sound confident but I think I might just be coming off as a bit needy...

Cover Up!

2010-07-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

So there I was last month, sat in my local town hall on an uncomfortable chair about to give blood. I have done it a few times now and can recommend it. It feels very rewarding, knowing that you are doing so much good by doing so little. I have often toyed with the idea of those 'community projects' that businesses try to get their employees to do, but it's not for me. I don't much fancy being up to my arse in brambles and stinging nettles all day clearing up shit in a youth centre car park - as far as I'm concerned that's a job for young offenders. But giving blood, sure I can do that, and I recommend it to anyone as a way to a) feel a bit better about yourself and b) potentially mean the difference between life and death. So try it.

But I digress. I don't want to write about giving blood, but rather by a strange thought that seemed to manifest itself for no other reason than to give my brain a little exercise as I was waiting for my name to be called - like the equivalent of watching GMTV when the fit weather girl is on. (You know the one). That, and trying to see up Kate Garraway's skirt, is the only thing that gets me up in the morning (double entendre alert).

The thought that graced my scattered and misspent mind was of those 80's TV shows that I used to love watching as a kid. The kind that were usually on a Friday night around 8 o'clock, always American and nearly all of them were Glen A. Larson productions.

There used to be a plethora of cracking American adventure shows.

A point for you if you remember any of these:

MAGNUM P.I.

THE A TEAM

THE FALL GUY

BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY

THE DUKES OF HAZZARD

THE EQUALIZER

REMINGTON STEEL

MANIMAL

TJ HOOKER

But those are the easy ones, the ones everyone always remembers. But how about some of the second stringers - you know, the ones that no one has tried to remake and fuck up.

Take an extra 2 points for each one of these shows that you remember (and don't lie, I'll be watching):

AUTOMAN

BJ AND THE BEAR

HUNTER

TALES OF THE GOLD MONKEY

MATT HOUSTON

And they're just a small list that I can remember off the top of my head.

The actual stray thought in the town hall was of one of the lesser known, a series from 1984 called

COVER UP

It had an ingenius concept........good-looking spies go undercover as models to run top secret black operations. It has somehow slipped through the cracks of most people's memories, but not mine. I remember it as clear as day and it was even better than C.A.T.S Eyes with Jill (Gentle Touch') Gascoigne and Leslie (trout lips) Ash.

You had ridiculously good-looking men with chiselled jaws and a .45mm neatly tucked into one of the indentations of their six-pack, lots of car chases against a pounding 80's soundtrack, explosions, hot girls (for the dads) and one of the all-time greatest TV themes in the history of TV themes.

Don't know it?

I'll bet you do. You know it, and you know who sung it, but you forgot that it came from a TV show, (by way of the movie Footloose BTW)

Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler, no less.

Yes, it's true!

That classic bit of Jim Steinman genius - although for the TV show it was sung by EG Daily, pop-fans!

The series did well in the states up until Jon Erik Hexum (another name that joins the pantheon of brave thespians that have died for their art - alongside Brandon Lee and Roy Kinnear to name but two). Hexum screwed up filming schedules by finding out the hard way that putting a gun loaded with blanks to your temple and pulling the trigger is not the most successful way to not blow your frigging brains out.

And so they needed to replace Hexum STAT!!!! But problem...he needs to be ridiculously good-looking! Yipes! This is Hollywood! Wherever are we going to find a hunk at short notice?

They went for Anthony Hamilton, a British actor raised in Australia (who sadly died in 1995 from pneumonia). With the influx of British actors making it big on America TV at the moment, who would have thought that we had a Brit doing it way back in the 80's.

It's just a shame that shows like Cover Up - and its stars - have so quickly been forgotten.

Now I have a problem....some of those shows brought back TOO MANY memories and I am now confronted with how much of an 80's TV geek I am. For example....the lead actor in HUNTER was played by Fred Dryer, and the TV show's makers were involved in a bitter legal dispute with the makers of the Dirtty Harry films as Hunter was basically a Harry Callahan rip-off....right down to the Clint Eastwood hairstyle.

CHECK it out on the graveyard of memories that I like to call the internet.

NEXT TIME: Tales of the Gold Monkey

Bucking the Trend

2010-07-09T08:11:00.000-07:00

Slightly left field, possibly - but today I fancied Erin Gray. I mean, I fancied blogging about Erin Gray. Yeah, that's it. Phew. So anyway, for those M.o.a.C.A's (Men of a Certain Age) among us who didn't need to google that name, you must already be familiar with Ms Gray's work. I am of course mainly referring to this:

Hot diggety dawg!
She's a looker, no mistake. In my formative years growing up there were a few ladies of the opposite sex that used to make me go all funny. Chieftess amongst them was Erin Gray, aka Colonel Wilma Deering from "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century".

Those skin-tight lycra costumes were like a flame to my moth, and I was smitten. But alas, I was far too young at the time to be able to reconcile my stray emotions, and instead I imagined how I would feel if I were an astronaut onboard the Space Shuttle knocked upside the head and frozen in time for 500 years only to wake up, thaw out and realise that disco wasn't dead, and on top of all that to-do - Wilma Deering was my guide to the 25th century.

It's enough to make you go weak at the knees.
But then I noticed something else courtesy of Buck Rogers........namely, this:

It was enough to drive a young man to distraction!!! But then I was faced with a dilemma.

Wilma Deering was a hottie, but then so was Princess Ardala. I could quite legitimately empathise with poor ol' Buck, because there she was, this stinking rich princess constantly trying to jump his bones because he was a man from a less civilised age (aka the 1980's), but clearly a bad girl....and on the other end of the spectrum was Wilma. What to do, what to do? Good girl strikingly beautiful in purple unitard, or bad girl princess who disliked the feel of any material against her naked flesh and so decided to wear as little of it as she could get away with before the watershed?

(Where is this watershed anyway? Sounds like it might be quite an interesting place. Like, this great big wooden shed at the bottom of your garden next to a pond. On one side of it is all sweetness and light, and yet on the other it's all sex and violence - which bit would you stand in?)

Anyway, to sum up - I just couldn't choose. I guess I felt a little Buck Rogers about it - a man out of time with the world and just when he thinks he understands how it all works the network goes and cancels it.

READ 'The Equivoque Principle' for FREE right now!

2010-07-03T05:07:00.000-07:00

REDRUMURDER

2010-07-02T04:46:00.000-07:00

So, today I thought I would write about some thing that has always bugged me and simultaneously interested me over the years: the synchronicity (or should that be duplicity) of certain comic superheroes...how fate conspires to mirror certain aspects of a superhero in his nearest doppelganger from 'the competition'.

This kind of thing has been going on for years in films, and whereas some of it is good fortune, or bad luck depending on how you look at it, or if it is coincidence, or just a mercenary response to jump on the band wagon. We had the Kevin Costner 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves' which was closely followed by Patrick Bergin's 'Robin Hood'. Bergin lost, Costner won. Star Wars' success at the cinema begat Battlestar Galactica on television (sparking a court case from the ever-so protective George Lucas). James Bond, Jason Bourne etc etc. Where one success is found, others will try to emulate the success by mirroring the other, but sometimes synchronicity just happens...ie; the summer of 2010 which features films such as The Losers, The A-Team and The Expendables....

I realise that I'm not making myself very clear at all, am I - so allow me to demonstrate my point:

GREEN ARROW vs HAWKEYE

DC Comics' Emerald Archer Oliver Queen and Marvel Comic's Avenging Archer, Clint Barton.

Both are well-trained and well-disciplined archers whose primary weapon is a bow and arrows.

Green Arrow is well-known for employing 'trick' arrows such as the boxing glove arrow, the gas arrow, the sonic arrow bla bla bla.

Hawkeye is also well-known for utilizing a quiver full of tricks, such as boomerang arrows, net arrows etc.

Green Arrow went all dark and started using real arrows in the 90's when comics lapped up grit and grime.

So did Hawkeye. Even wearing armour at one point designed by Tony Stark himself. Sheesh!

Green Arrow's sidekick partner Speedy has some 'issues', and they split up as a result only to reunite years later when everything was all peachy again.

Hawkeye and Mockingbird were married, but divorced eventually due to her having some 'issues', only to reunite with Hawk years later when everything was peachy again.

Green Arrow went outlaw and shunned by his fellow super-friends - and Hawkeye died, but then came back to life again, altered his costume and went by the name Ronin for years until revealing himself - and there the similarities end. Or do they...?

GREEN ARROW vs BATMAN

Both major DC Comics' characters, both sharing the stage in the Justice League of America.

Bruce Wayne, millionaire playboy who liked dressing up and foiling crime in his city.

Oliver Queen, millionaire playboy who liked dressing up and foiling crime in his city.

Batman drove around in his Batmobile.

Green Arrow drove around in his Arrowmobile (no joke).

Batman had a masked teen sidekick, Robin - who later changed his name to Nightwing.

Green Arrow had a masked teen sidekick, Speedy - who later changed his name to Arsenal...and then to Red Arrow (maybe be wasn't hanging out on the Venger-bus).

Batman went very dark in the late 80's /early 90's.

So did, Green Arrow....in fact, an older version of him appeared in the seminal 'Dark Knight Returns' by Frank Miller - albeit missing an arm, a little bit bald and quite a bit mad - Ollie teamed up with Bruce to fight Superman, shooting a kryptonite arrow at the Man of Steel.

Batman's illegitimate son took over the mantle of Robin.

Green Arrow's illegitimate son took over the mantle of Green Arrow.

BATMAN vs CAPTAIN AMERICA
Bruce Wayne, Batman - Steve Rogers, Captain America.

Both had teen sidekicks with teeny tiny little masks - Bats had Robin and Cap had Bucky.

Both were always getting into scrapes, needing their mentor to help them out.

Jason Todd (Robin II) was killed (apparently) by a 'bloody good thrashing' courtesy of the Joker - only to reappear many years later, slightly damaged in the head, with a hatred of his former partner.

James Buchanan Barnes (Bucky) was killed (apparently) by a bomb courtesy of Baron Zemo - only to reappear many years later, slightly damaged in the head, with a hatred of his former partner.

The current Batman is Dick Grayson (Robin I) who took on the mantle of the bat when Bruce Wayne was killed (apparently) only for the real Batman to be revealed as floating about in the time-stream somewhere having lots of cool adventures and stuff.

The current Captain America is Bucky Barnes, who took on the mantle when Steve Rogers was killed (apparently) only for the real Cap to be revealed as floating about in the time-stream somewhere having lots of cool adventures and stuff.

Bruce Wayne is scheduled to return from the dead and take a new role in the DC Universe...

Steve Rogers has already returned from the dead and now takes on a new role in the Marvel universe.

And there the similarities end.
Or do they?
There are loads more. Attack and Defence. Action and Reaction, Coincidence - call it what you will.

Bee Yourself

2010-06-25T01:20:00.001-07:00

Welcome to the new Me

2010-06-23T04:58:00.000-07:00

Hello to you.
An interesting title choice for this post, let me tell you why.

Lots of very good authors describe on their blogs about their route to publication, or getting an agent etc. and I guess I don't usually do that as, predominantly, I don't know if anyone is actually interested in what I've got to say. I've spoken in interviews etc about how lucky I was, and how it was a dream of mine for SO long to be published, yet not for a single moment did I think it was never going to happen. Be it fate or destiny, or just me not willing to let all the knockbacks and rejections bother me. I just kept my head down on my writing (crucially) learning from criticism (where it counted) that I had gained on writer's forums and stuff, and just worked at finding the right idea, with the right level of originality and the right level of enthusiasm and just simply wrote stories. Lots of them. Stories about all kinds of things, all kinds of characters and circumstances, and with each new idea, the way they were given life from a germ of an idea into an end product , I discovered what sort of writer I was. I'm not necessarily talking about good or bad, I'm talking about knowing what is essentially 'my' style, in that, I know how to interpret one of my ideas as Darren Craske., I know what sort of writing suits me, what genre, and how I can approach an idea and write it comfortably "as me". Seeing as it took me years to find what 'my' style is, I can only assume that it must be this hard for everyone. Surely I'm not unique.

So, onto things. Some may know that I was incredibly fortunate to be spotted (I guess this is the right word) by Scott Pack, of The Friday Project/knowing a lot about books and stuff - which in turn led me to a 3 book contract with HarperCollins ie: the Cornelius Quaint Chronicles. I was (and still am) incredibly thankful to Scott for showing so much faith and giving me support even after all these years.

The Cornelius Quaint books (The Equivoque Principle & The Eleventh Plague thus far) are out there in shopland and lots of people like them and enjoy what I was trying to do, which is great. But for each Quaint book that I work on, one of my other ideas/projects has hadto take a back seat, and a few months ago they rebelled, ganging up on me, begging me to put them out of their misery and actually finish the bloody thing. Over the years the ideas have kept on coming. Some I began and dropped as they were rubbish, some I began, dropped, went back to several years later to complete. Some have nothing more than a title and half a page of a synopsis. There was one over-riding project that has stayed with me for many years that will one day see print, but it's not ready yet. I'll get to it one day. And so the upshot is....I know I have SO many more books left in me, which is fab...but as the penny dropped...and I near the end of my 3 book contract, I know that I haven't even scratched the surface of where I want to be. My dream to be published has cone true, but there's something a little bit wrong with it, it's a little more blurred than I imagined, the colours and details are a little less sharp.

In essence, I know that I needed an agent.

I am in full understanding of how rare it is for someone to get a 3 book contract without an agent, and that confidence was born out of Mr Pack's belief in me, but without an agent I asked myself where I was going to be at some point next year. In truth, I felt as though I had let myself down a bit. I don't know why. It must be a bit like the UK entry for Eurovision, knowing you'll never win, but having enough hope in your heart that you'll at least get a fair score. I'm nowher near nil points in my eyes, don't get me wrong, but I've also got a lot more self-belief to know that I could get a few more.

I searched for the right agent, did all the right things, made all the right noises, got rejected many times.

And then I struck gold.

I realise this post is WAYYYY too long as it is, so maybe I will elucidate more next time. For now, I have hope renewed, an excellent agent who already 'knows' me and 'my' style, and who I know is going to help me reach the places that I want to be.

Now all I have to do is write some cracking books....

Thanks for looking.

You are a nice person.

Bad to Good to Bad

2010-06-04T04:55:00.001-07:00

Take a look at that bloke on the left.

To me, Darth Vader is interesting in many ways, but mostly because of his cinematic journey as a villain – unique in that he became less interesting the more that we learned about him.

The first time we meet him in Star Wars even the Stormtroopers hold their breath when he walks past. He is (seven-foot tall, dressed in black from helmeted head right down to shiny boots, with that hoary breath) the epitome of evil. There can be no question: Darth Vader was bad. Proper bad. As in, Force-choke the life out of anyone that dared to mock his sad devotion to an ancient religion kind of bad. Yet (crucially) he wasn’t an unstable psychopath with a hair-trigger temper, he was perfectly and effortlessly in control, and although he was working for Grand Moff Tarkin as a glorified bloodhound, you always got the sense that The Moff was just as scared of him as everyone else.

In The Empire Strikes Back, Vader’s bad-assity cranks up another level when we learn that he is actually working for the Emperor – who only appears as a floating head hologram, but by the fact that Vader bows to him, you know he is one bad mother-(Shut your mouth)! So now we have a triumvirate of villains – the Empire, Vader and the Emperor - and it’s only the second film in the trilogy! In the name of Mon Mothma, what can possibly happen next? SPOILER ALERT: (come on, seriously?) Darth Vader’s revelation that he is Luke Skywalker’s father remains one of THE best kept secrets ever – and we had to wait 3 whole years until Return of the Jedi to find out if it was true or not. Nowadays some bright spark would have found a copy of the script on a train and sold it to The Sun or put it on e-bay for a small fortune, and it would have bandied around the internet in a heartbeat, rendering the answer to the ultimate question inert for millions of people who actually wanted to find out the truth for themselves, thank you very much.

From “No, Luke…I am your father” - followed by some glorious overacting (he isn’t called Mark ‘Ham’ill for nothing) Darth Vader became a fully-fledged, multi-faceted, three-dimensional bad guy - someone who all of a sudden was not just a lot more frightening, but a lot more interesting, to boot. Those of us watching the film were like, “Luke, don’t listen to him, dude, he’s lying!”. It just had to be some kind of trick, all part of Vader’s sneaky plan, right? But up until that moment, Vader hadn’t exhibited any signs of being sneaky. He was an in-your-face kind of bad guy. He wouldn’t resort to playing mind-games, toying with his victims like a cat with a mouse. Something about the Dark Lord’s revelation rang true. Then came the inevitable - and perfectly understandable - reactions: “If he’s Luke’s father, how come he’s working for the Empire? And why is he wearing a mask? How come he hasn’t got an inhaler fitted into that helmet? Ben, dude, you totally lied to Luke, man!” It made you wonder about the man behind the mask, wonder how he came to be, wonder what made him tick, and wonder how he fell from grace.

At the beginning of Return of the Jedi, the Emperor visits the new Death Star in the pasty-white and ever-so wrinkly flesh. From the moment that Palpatine (not that we know his name yet) steps out of the Imperial Shuttle, the rot sets in and Darth Vader is reduced to a second-fiddle bad guy.

The Emperor seethes malice, whilst Vader trots along at his heels like a faithful womp-rat. We learn that Vader wants to continue his hunt for young Skywalker but the Emperor advises restraint – he has his own agenda, and it doesn’t include helping his old friend Anakin (not that we know his name yet either) out by reuniting him with his family. At this point it should be noted that it was Vader’s idea to only capture Luke – not kill him. Was he trying to save his son’s life in the long run, or was he just being an evil b*stard?

Later in Jedi, Vader tells Luke that if he will not turn to the Dark Side then perhaps his sister will. At that point, anything goes with Vader. Would he really sacrifice Leia? Why not? After all, she is the weaker of the twins, with no midi-chlorians in her system, plus she’s got latent incestuous tendencies that need to be sorted out. Or is Vader merely mucking with Luke’s mind so that he’ll get angry and thereby make him easier to turn to the Dark Side?

By the end of Jedi, Darth Vader effectively commits suicide by chucking the Emperor down “a bloody big shaft”. We get to see his real face under the mask – scarred and lumpy though it is. When he tells Luke that he wants to look at him with his own eyes, it is his last grasp for his humanity. He is instantly less a monster and more a man. He isn’t some death-crazed cyborg killer – he’s just a guy from the outskirts of Tattooine that lost his way. We let George Lucas have that one because we all knew that Jedi was the final chapter, and it served as a fitting bookend to the legend of Darth Vader. Lucas would never jeopardise such an iconic character’s universal status by releasing a series of prequels that would ultimately remove all the mystery about him, humanising him to such a degree that it deconstructed everything that made him interesting…

Would he?

Well, yes he would actually. The curtain was torn back to reveal that the wizard was merely a man, and the magic was gone quicker than you could click your ruby slippers together and say “There’s no place like home.” Some people might never be able to forgive Lucas for his multitude of sins (hint: there were three of them - not including Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or Howard the Duck) but if I were to pick his greatest crime it would be that by the end of Revenge of the Sith, he has rendered what was formerly the universe’s biggest bad-ass not just impotent but even worse - unimportant.

The rise and fall of Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader (or fall and rise if we’re talking chronologically) can be illustrated by these handy numbered bullet points:

6) Darth Vader strangles a captured Rebel soldier (Ep IV)

7) Darth Vader murders Luke Skywalker’s Jedi mentor, Obi Wan Kenobi (Ep IV)

8) Darth Vader battles Jedi-in-training Luke Skywalker in Cloud City (Ep V)

9) Darth Vader sacrifices his life for his son’s by killing Emperor Palpatine (Ep VI)

10) Darth Vader is dead (Ep VI)

0) Anakin Skywalker is born (events occur prior to Ep I)

1) Anakin Skywalker falls in love with Padme Amidala, breaking the Jedi code (Ep II)

2) Anakin Skywalker is frustrated that Obi Wan Kenobi is holding him back (Ep II)

3) Anakin Skywalker is indoctrinated into the Sith by Chancellor Palpatine (Ep III)

4) Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi fight to the death on Mustafar (Ep III)

5) Darth Vader is born (Ep III)

(Note: All the cool stuff happens in points 6-10…with the possible exception of point 4)

Look at those points. They happened in that particular order for anyone that watched the original trilogy before the prequels (anyone roughly in their 30’s or 40’s by now I would guess). Addressing the argument that the kids of today should watch the 6 films episodically beginning with The Phantom Menace, swap the numbers around to begin with 0 and end on 10. This proves without a shadow of a doubt that you must ALWAYS watch the Star Wars movies beginning with Episode IV…just be prepared for a bit of a disappointment by the time you reach Episode I. The good news is you can quit at Episode IVIand pretend that what came next was all just a bad dream.

Plea Bargain!

2010-06-03T03:11:00.000-07:00

Hello Quaint people,

I come to you today with a plea for assistance. I very rarely ask for help, but this time I need it, and furthermore, only YOU can help me.

Intrigued?

So here's the deal, I was lucky when The Equivoque Principle was first released in that as it was the first of the series it generated a degree of focus, resulting in a nice review from The Times which looks great on any cover blurb. For all of Equivoque's flaws it is still a great read and I would defend it vigorously, but in my heart I think that The Eleventh Plague - book 2 in the Cornelius Quaint Chronicles is a far better book.

The Eleventh Plague is so much sharper than Equivoque. It's tighter, leaner, has a more streamlined plot and genuinely features some stuff that no one has ever read before. It is also a great sequel, in that it bridges nicely from book one into book three, and is my Empire Strikes Back in many ways. SO, there I was back in March, hoping that it would come out and lots of people would read it and agree with me that it was so very ace. Well....it did come out, and many copies have been sold let me tell you (which is fab, thanks to each and every one of you who purchased it) - but the problem is that not enough people knew about it.

It might not be in many high street stores (I know Waterstones only stock it in 80 shops) and it isn't a book that is floating around in the ether that people are latching onto. I know many people have jumped onto it having enjoyed Equivoque (which is the point) but as for online reviews/features/comments there was only one, that you can see here by the fabulous Bookzone (for Boys) site, and one customer review on Amazon.

So, you would be forgiven for thinking that I made it all up and there isn't really a totally excellent book wot I wrote out there for everyone to enjoy, regardless of whether they read the first book or not, wouldn't you?

Which brings me to the reason for this plea:

IF YOU HAVE READ (and I hope subsequently enjoyed) 'THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE' WOULD YOU SO VERY KINDLY DO ME THE HONOUR OF LEAVING SOME KIND OF REVIEW ONLINE SOMEWHERE SO THAT OTHERS MAY HAVE AN INSIGHT INTO WHETHER THE BOOK IS ANY GOOD OR NOT?

* If you have yet to read 'The Eleventh Plague' and you are a book-type blogger who promises to leave a review on Amazon etc/write a comment or review on your blog PLEASE email me at corneliusquaint@hotmail.com and I shall arrange a review copy to be mailed to you.

MANY THANKS!!!!!!

Darren

Tabula Rasa

2010-05-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

On a completely unconnected note, although one that ignited the engines of my train of thought earlier....

It is well known that certain species of animals, insects and even plant life can take on the behavioral instincts, colour schemes and patterns of other species that are far more deadly than they are, purely so no one will try to catch/eat/step on them, right?

I don't remember the names but some snakes do it, and lots of insects. If you want to look hard when in reality you're a wimp, alter your appearance and/or characteristics so folk will leave you alone. Humans probably do it a lot more than our creature counterparts, and although unlike insects we don't do this to stop being eaten, it still amounts to one and the same thing:

Self-preservation - evolution's greatest weapon.

If you were to get sentenced to a spell in prison how would YOU cope with day to day life, considering all that you have subconsciously accumulated over years of watching films and TV programmes about life inside? If you're in for a long stretch (heaven forbid) (unless you deserved it) then you might consider altering aspects of your personality or physical appearance in an effort to make people think twice about crossing you. A scar, a tattoo, shave your head, talk 'street'...the list is endless. As a human being capable of rational thought your instinct for self-preservation kicks in and you become a tabula rasa, able to imprint whatever you like onto your template. So if the guy in your cell is a hard-nut who likes nothing more than a really challenging game of Monopoly, in order to survive you will no doubt consider taking an immediate interest in buying Mayfair (the place, not the "top shelf" magazine, silly) - or at the very least, give a highly convincing impersonation of someone who genuinely loves Monopoly. You would. You know you would. And you would pull it off too.

Why? Because evolution works.

It happens to millions of youngsters every day, where self-preservation becomes the need to conform. I don't mean gangs on street corners, I'm talking about day to day school playgrounds. The will to fit in is built into our genes. It generally mutates as you get a bit older and learn to be a bit more confident, but you will still take it with you, into college, into work, amongst new groups of friends or colleagues. Starting a new school or a new job or even a new term gives you an opportunity to change the bits you don't like about yourself and fashion a new YOU. As the man that shares your cell might say, it's your Get Out Of Jail Free card

Are they even allowed to play Monopoly in prison? Sounds a bit unfair to me.

Some might call it "re-inventing" yourself, but that only works for celebrities with flagging careers or those who retain a highly-publicized interest in doing so merely because it is expected of them (I'm looking at you Ms. Ciccone, Ms Minogue). Re-invention is seen as a "bad thing", yet it happens every single day on a universal scale that even the biggest ruler in the world would never be able to measure it accurately. "Re-inventing the wheel" "they" say in such a derogatory fashion, but what if there are better shapes for wheels to be? Who decreed from on high that all wheels MUST be round? Was it someone in the Government? Did your parents sign up for that during World War II? Or is the wool being pulled over our eyes? Did a whole room full of circular wheel manufacturers sit down generations ago and decide what shape OUR wheels would be?

I certainly was not consulted.

However, when something (or someone) re-invents themselves and it has a positive outcome it is seen as a triumph. Robert Downey Jr has always been a great actor (fact), but he languished in Emilio-Estevez-Hell for a decade before what was essentially a performance where he had nothing to lose catapulted his talent back into the public view. Thanks to the bloke who played one of Courtney Cox's lovers in 'Friends', RDJ is now one of the most recognizable and highest paid actors today and is the go-to guy for quirky, dry-humoured, lots going on behind the eyes-type roles in Hollywood.This might shock you: I was ordinary at school and girls never noticed me (sniff, sniff) until the day I bought a battered leather jacket from a charity shop, put on a pair of fake spectacles (this is true BTW) and put some mousse in my hair. On that very day I became a butterfly - albeit briefly, as I seem to have subconsciously elected to re-invent myself as a caterpillar again due to my penchant for drinking beer.

Re-invention works (on the whole)

One of Quentin Tarantino's greatest gifts is being able to cut through the celebrity fog and navigate the avenues of Hollywood's fickle nature. His edict is simple: "Hire the best actor for the job - and if he happens to be someone who is really cool but every one of this movies has gone straight to DVD ever since that last big one that made him a household name back in the 80's - even better!"

Re-invention, my friend, is the necessity of all us muthas.

Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it, let's self-preserve.

Global Swarming

2010-04-07T06:42:00.000-07:00

Just a quickie post to alert you to something special that's on the horizon - Not from me, no sir - this time it's all about someone else, and rightly and deservedly so as well.

Pop quiz, hotshot: There's an author of exceptional talent releasing her book on 27th May. What do you do?

Now, I'm not Dennis Hopper (he says, adopting an Alan Partridge voice) but I do present you with a question, and that question is: 'Why should I buy 'Like Bees to Honey' by Caroline Smailes?' well, I'm here to tell you why, and what I say might shock you.

It probably won't, but just so you know.

To use lazy internet vernacular, IMHO I happen to think that Caroline Smailes is quite simply in a brilliant class all to herself and I would scream myself hoarse defending her talent - but that's not going to be enough for you - unless a) you hang on my every word OR b) you're one of the growing army of fans that has been clamouring after this book ever since they turned the last page of Caroline's previous masterpiece, Black Boxes OR c) you're one of those stubborn types. She has an unparalleled respect for the lyrics to the song of life, and her latest book promises to be her most original work yet.

But if you're not yet one of Caroline's initiated fanbase then you're going to want me to go into detail as to why 'Like Bees to Honey' is so great, aren't you? OK then. I will.

First off: I haven't read it. But guess what? I don't need to. Knowing Caroline's previous book, I know that it's going to be a piece of talked about literature that will gain all the accolades that Caroline Smailes deserves. You want more facts? Fine. Let's go...

Nina, her son Christopher in tow, flies to Malta for one last visit with her aging parents. Her previous attempt to see them ended in tears. Disowned for falling pregnant while at university in England, she was not allowed into the house. This will be her final chance to make her peace with them. But Malta holds more secrets and surprises than Nina could possibly imagine. What she finds is not the land of her youth, a place full of memories and happiness. Instead she meets dead people. Lots of them. Malta, it transpires, is a transit lounge for recently deceased spirits and somehow Christopher enables her to see them, speak with them and help them. And, in return, they help Nina come to terms with her own loss. One so great that she has yet to admit it to herself.

Like Bees to Honey is a story of family, redemption and ghosts. It is a magical tale that will live with you long after you finish reading.

Caroline Smailes' previous works (In Search of Adam, Black Boxes) focused on (sometimes painfully) realistic characters that suffer the whips and bites of real life. There is something inherently and beautiful about the darkness, in that the light shines so much brighter. Moths aren't drawn to the flame because they are transfixed by it, but because things are so much clearer in the dark.

She uses words and the moments in between to great effect, underlining her characters' thoughts and motivations, giving them ever-changing shadows and distorted reflections, yet crucially, she makes them come to life in your hands. She is capable of tapping into a stream of consciousness that as a reader you almost feel that you know her creations, that they live across the street from you, their true identities hidden behind their closed doors.

Here are some of the absolutely true things that people have said about Caroline:

"Haunting, heartfelt and beautiful' CHRIS CLEAVE, author of THE OTHER HAND and INCENDIARY .
"There is little in the way of relief in this harrowing first novel, but Smailes' sensitivity towards her subjects -- and the poetry of her writing -- carry the story." FINANCIAL TIMES

"A unique, exciting and unforgettable read." RAY ROBINSON, author of ELECTRICITY

"In Search of Adam by Caroline Smailes, a stunning insight into the disturbed mind of a girl living in the North-East. It has re-defined what writing can do for the reader -- it can change the way you look at people." TERRY DEARY, author of HORRIBLE HISTORIES

"Black Boxes is the best novel I have read all year. I laughed, I cried and I cried some more. And came away a changed person." AMERICAN JOURNAL

Look up there. Some fine names there. Respectable names. They can't all be wrong, can they? And so to add my own (albeit far less respectable) name to her list of fans, let me say that Caroline's work is like being a blood donor...you know that the needle might be a tad uncomfortable for a while, but the discomfort that you feel will pass, and you will end up with a totally rewarding experience that will live with you for some time.

'LIKE BEES TO HONEY' by Caroline Smailes.

Released 27th May 2010.

Check out Caroline's website for a list of places to meet her in the flesh:

http://www.carolinesmailes.co.uk/blog

The Finale Never Stops

2010-03-31T04:34:00.000-07:00

Hi All,
Just a quick post to signal the end of two things. Firstly, the end of the 3 part Cornelius Quaint and Lord Likely team-up story - in case you missed it, shame and poxes upon you but here is the link anyway: HERE!!!!

Secondly, this features the end of my collaboration with Lord Likely's scribe - the undefinable Mr A.D. Fanton - which is all a bit sad really, as I found we were able to gel both our minds, egos, ids and characters remarkably well.

Of course, on paper it was destined for greatness, wit such sparkling wit and vibrant minds chronicling such an adventure how dare it NOT win, but I would like to thank the Fanton Menace for coming up with the idea of us kicking back and teaming-up in the first place.

Being a writer sort can be a bit of an insular business. I don't exactly sit in my office/spare bedroom alone and type viciously until my fingertips bleed, but there is an element of the imprisonment of an idea to some extent in what I do. It only exists in a virtual world of fonts and pixels until it sees print. And so, it never occurred to me to collaborate with someone, or even if it would occur to someone to want to collaborate with me, modest soul that I am.

The last time I attempted to collaborate on an idea it must have been sometime around 1995, and it was on a comic that never saw print with a good, but sadly no longer connected friend, of mine that had struck up a conversation with me one night down the pub about the X-Men. The conversation grew and expanded (as conversations about the X-Men tend to do) and this guy and I decided to do our own comic. I think this was before I had actually self-published anything before, but we would meet once a week with a few bottles of wine and thrash out some ideas, with the both of us doing the plotting and me doing the art chores. It was a great story, but sadly never saw the light of day (and never will, to be truthful) but that grounding of 'give and take' probably helped me during my collaboration with Mr Fanton Esquire - because it taught me that there are many ideas out there in the world other than my own, and some of them (many in Fanton's case) are actually BETTER than mine, and all ideas should be considered.

So, in answer to the unspoken question about whether I would collaborate again, I would probably say yes - although it would depend entirely on the other collaborator...as there needs to be an equal mix of oil and water, chalk and cheese, light and dark if the idea is to be something worthwhile and not just two mates mucking about. I had never spoke to FantonEsquire prior to writing the story, and in fact we have only spoken once on the phone when an area of the plot required it, so essentially we were two like minds beavering away (probably quite literally in Lord Likely's case) who found a nice piece of common ground to lay down our respective camps and have some fun.

So then, do please check out www.lordlikely.com and see the talents of Mr A.D. Fanton for yourself and I for one think that a tome featuring a compendium of Lord Likely adventures would make the perfect gift for anyone who enjoys laughing, gasping, sighing and reading.

Bye,

A LIkely Story - Part 2

2010-03-12T07:52:00.000-08:00

Hello,
Part 2 of the thrillingly brilliant "The Bloody Baffling Buckingham Bluff"
is now up at www.lordlikely.com

Do please check it out, as it is quite fabulous.

Were I the modest type, I might be tempted to say that it is simply one of the most fun and exciting things that I have been lucky enough to be involved in. I'm not modest, but I'll say it anyway, 'cos it's true.

So please check it out and if you feel inclined, forgetting all this water-skiing across the Channel lark for charity - there is someone who needs your support just as much as millions of homeless and starving people. Okay, maybe on reflection not quite as much, but it's somewhere in the general ball park of global significance, I'm pretty sure.

You can donate to the Lord Likely drinking fund by this link.

One Day Only - FREE stuff!

2010-03-11T04:34:00.000-08:00

Hi all,

I thought that I would do a bit of a free giveaway 'cos everyone loves free stuff, right? Even though it's not exactly a cash bonanza, the lucky winner might still feel a glow of triumphant victory as they proudly display their prize to the world at large.

The best way to do this is for me to think of a question and get people to email me with the answer, are you with me? I know. Exciting, isnt it?

Now, the thing is, do I make it a toughie...or a GMTV ridiculously easy one?

And then, do I make it about a random subject, or something that I know a bit about myself so won't have to do any research to find the right answer...or do I make it about one of my books/characters etc? Tricky, as I realise not all of you might be familiar with either 'The Equivoque Principle' or its sequel 'The Eleventh Plague' (both of which are out right now in paperback in case you were wondering, or you can read Equivoque for FREE via the links in the post previous to this one).

So I've plumped for a question that I think hits the middle of the road...here goes:

Question: In the animated series 'THUNDERCATS', what phrase did Lion-O say when he extended his sword? And I want the entire phrase please...don't spare your blushes.

The winner will be selected from the list of whoever emails me at corneliusquaint@hotmail.com with the correct answer, and they will be selected at random by myself before 3pm this very day (Thursday 11th March). As a prize I shall bestow unto them a FREE (gasp!) SIGNED (gasp!) copy of 'THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE'.

All I ask in return is that you submit a review of it somewhere (your blog/website/Amazon/cloud writing in the sky) wherever.

The winner shall be contacted via the medium of email by myself shortly after 3pm today where they will be required to submit to me their mailing address. Then, I shall utilise the courier services of Royal Mail to dispatch to the victor their spoils. If you receive no email from me, that kind of sort of most likely means you didn't win, get it? C'mon, you've done this before, right?

Simple enough? Good.

Snap to it then.

Clang Clang Clang

2010-03-09T08:27:00.000-08:00

Hi all,
A couple of things to mention today...

Numero Uno: THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE is now out there in the shops, so why not treat yourself, your Mum, or your significant other to a copy. If you'd like a taster, pls feel free to take a gander's at this link right hereabouts.

There you will also see for a limited time only FREE online copy of the complete 1st Cornelius Quaint adventure, THE EQUIVOQUE PRINCIPLE. And you can download it on your Kindle if you have such a thing. There is a real mixed bag of comments on there, but the thing is free, so if you don't like it - stop reading it - it's that simple, people. Some jokers on Amazon seem to delight in dissing various aspects of the book, and the internet has given people a nice little soap box to spread their disparaging comments. Constructive criticism will always be taken on board by yours truly, but out and out lethal tongued insults directed at myself or anyone involved in the book will not be met with a warm handshake and a pat on the back.

I am not one to make promises that I can't fulfill, but in this case I am confident that you will love the book. And if you don't, you can officially strike yourself off my Christmas card list. But if you'd prefer a guarantee with a bit more clout, how about this one: my esteemed publishers The Friday Project/HarperCollins are confident enough to make the claim that the book is as good as the Flashman series by George Macdonald Fraser and if you read it and do not agree, you can claim your money back if you keep your proof of purchase. Obviously, this is something that I would rather you didn't do, as it will hurt my already tarnished feelings.

Secondly, by way of a reminder, the effervescent Caroline Smailes kindly loaned me use of her spinny chair and blogspace to introduce myself to her loyal following, and I found the whole thing nice and warming and thoroughly inviting. A very friendly bunch of people giving the Mistress of Squee some well earned (and much deserved support).

For those who didn't see the post, check it out at this link courtesy of www.carolinesmailes.co.uk.

Do pop by and say hello.

And there's more. C'mere...

Another shooting star entering the stratosphere is Mr A.D. Fanton esq. Cunning linguists that we are, we have only gone and bleedin' teamed-up to embark on an astonishing adventure by way of a massively cool partnership for Lord Likley's 3rd birthday bash - namely between the eponymous Lord himself and the illustrious Mr Cornelius Quaint.

Part One of 'The Bloody Baffling Buckingham Bluff' will tickle your laughter buds and it is available to read RIGHT GODDAMN NOW PEOPLE at this link. And there is much more to come as Quaint and Likely do that thang in the hunt for Silas Surprise...

So, that's it from me. I'm feeling kinda woozy.
DC

A Likely Story...

2010-03-03T06:38:00.000-08:00

See that picture over there on the right?

Co-creating the story that it refers to has been one of the most fun and interactive creative exploits that I've done in recent years. Even when I was working on it, I knew that I wanted to write a blog post about it, because of the sheer explosion of enjoyment that was had, and because the story behind the story is actually quite interesting too.

It was only a week or so when I was contacted by the insane thrust of Mr. A.D. Fanton, the uncannily gifted chronicler of 'The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely' (www.lordlikely.com) asking me if I would lend a hand in celebrating 3 whole years of the tales of the Lord. Well, I think highly of both the Lord and of Mr Fanton, so he had me at 'Hello'. Fanton wanted his brainchild, Lord Likely, to cross paths with my own Cornelius Quaint, and I immediately jumped at the chance. There were many things that convinced me that we were destined to collaborate on something. The time periods matched, the polar opposites of the characters matched, Lord Likely has a manservant called Botter, whilst Quaint has one called Butter - the synchronicity between our two main men was just too delicious to pass up. The different facets of the characters too, was a driving force - one is an aristocratic Lord mercilessly shagging his way throughout the female population of Victorian London, whilst the other is a square-jawed, straight-backed conjurer with a strong altruistic streak and a knack for getting into trouble.

And so we set to work. I say work, but it was the easiest thing I've ever written. As the Fanton Menace pointed out, the thing practically wrote itself. We had a germ of an idea, and kitted out with rough directions on what part of the story I should start work on, both Fanton and myself began our bits independently, and we hoped that they might dovetail in nicely once one party saw what the other had written and vice versa.

What we got was pure gold (in my honest and ever so humble opinion). We have hardly tinkered around with any of what you can see in the first chapter of "The Bloody Baffling Buckingham Bluff". Dr Fantonstein and myself were in simpatico from minute one, both of us ensuring that our heroes' integrity (or lack of it) was preserved, which in mind is the definition of a ruddy good team-up. I've been reading comics for many years, and I have seen superhero team-ups done well, and not so well.

Usually one side ends up being a slightly diluted caricature of themselves, a 'lite' version of what you know, but every so often two minds are acting and interacting on such a level of understanding that everything is in perfect balance. I remember when Batman and Spider-Man teamed up some years back. Spidey was always a daylight superhero to me, swinging around Manhattan to the Daily Bugle office, whereas Bats was always a night-lover. Commissioner Gordon's bat-signal would have been (bat)shit during the day. So when Spidey and Bats teamed up, the writers had to decide - do we push Spidey to the dark side, or push Bats to the light? How are we going to get the perfect blend of such two different personalities? The answer is compromise - and the other answer is to ensure that the story itself has a valid justification why one character would step into another character's world.

One reason why I wanted to preserve my thoughts on this (albeit in virtual form) is due to the sheer originality employed during it's creation - such as when Fanton and I had both done our separate bits independently, and we'd reached a moment where our 2 characters meet and both punches and quips are traded with equal measure. Staging a fight scene can be tricky. Staging a one-sided fight scene completely blind to what the other person is doing is impossible. We decided that sending emails to and fro was cumbersome and slow. So how do you get around creating instant snappy patter - with both writer doing the dialogue for their own character - and still make it read as kinetically as it needs to be. The answer was to employ mediums such as Google docs - where Fanton Esquire and I could both work on the same document "live" and see what the other had written, and twitter - where one writer had finished his bit, and then handed over the reins to the other to write the reaction with a nice DM.

Much hilarity ensued when Quaint and Likely have the fracas as described in Part 1 of "The Bloody Baffling Buckingham Bluff", and the creation of this scene involved Fanton (as Likely) throwing a punch, and me (as Quaint) giving as good as I/he get/gets. I have read that scene many times and I challenge anyone who knows either my own work, or that of Mr A.D. Fanton's work, to be able to tell which of us wrote what. We have put our egos in a drawer and focused on having some damn good fun with our characters - as well as create a cracking good tale that wouldn't look out of place in either Lord Likely's world, or Cornelius Quaint's.

So, please do go and check out Fanton's website at www.lordlikely.com and once you're there why not peruse his bountiful collection of aristocratic archives. A word of caution: Lord Likely's bawdy tales are not for the faint of heart - saucy, hilarious, original and sometimes downright filthy stuff - but every one is a classic just waiting for the advent of time to catch up with it.

A Hard Knock Writer's Life

2010-02-25T08:20:00.000-08:00

I imagine that I'm similar to most writers in that I don't make things easy for myself. Or maybe it is just me, I don't know. Maybe it's a product of the type of books that I write, but recently whilst working on my latest project (perhaps I'll spill the beans in a few weeks, I'll see how I feel) I have found myself putting my main characters into some tricky situations, with no idea how I'm going to get them out of it.

I did this a bit with the Cornelius Quaint series, but with him being a conjurer I always had an 'out' in that he could always use a bit of magic or something to get out of a sticky situation. With my new project (for want of a better title we shall call it 'SS') my main character's aren't conjurers, or gifted with special powers in some way, or super-heroic, they're just normal, everyday teenagers, and although I flout the boundaries of disbelief sometimes, I do like to retain a little physical logic now and then - or at least enough logic that a resolution isn't simply plucked out of thin air to help grease the plot along.

So this one time a few weeks back, I had my MC's embroiled in a situation of my own making purely because I decided to kink what I had plotted out. I won't go into details, but the issue was being able to cross a wide expanse of water to get to an island. Now, when I was plotting it (loosely, as I do) I had all the steps in my head what was going to happen, but I was kind of focusing on what happened once they'd got to the island, as opposed to how they got there in the first place, and the dead end sort of sneaked up on me, just as it did to my two main characters.

So, there we were. The 3 of us, both myself and my MC's, stood at the edge of this great body of water, with no way of getting across. Or at least, no easy way across. It was actually quite a liberating experience, and I found the characters adopting my silent monologue. My questions became theirs, my thoughts became theirs, and my harebrained schemes became theirs too. I was asking the questions and they, as my internal logic monitors, were answering me.

ME: Fly across - THEM: "Technically impossible."
Sail across - "We don't have a boat."
Swim across - "We're carrying a dead body."
Freeze sea and walk across - "We don't have that ability."
Build a raft and sail across - "We don't have a saw to cut down any trees."
Part the waves Moses style - "We're on a world with no bible to reference. (Plus, also impossible)."

So how the hell do we get across? And it was very much a 'we' scenario, which was totally odd from my perspective. These ciphers do not have life without me. My words breathe for them. Unless I speak for them, they are mute. Unless I guide them, they are directionless. Unless I challenge them, they are dull. So how can we come together to share this conundrum and brainstorm an answer?

(It was the sort of thing that would keep a psychiatrist busy for weeks)

The answer took me a long time to work out. I hit the net and referenced all types of water. Fresh water, Seawater, streams, lakes, rivers and waterfalls. I looked at the chemical composition of water, its various states and what conditions cause them to exist. In short, I immersed myself in water. And then I was struck by a moment of fortuitous synchronicity. Wayyyyyyy back in Chapter 2, I had made a reference to something in passing conversation. Something so casual and throwaway that I didn't even know why I had written it in the first place. But there it was - my way out. And so, with a little bit of tinkering of the script here and there, I had my way to transport C and F over the sea to the island.

It's not the first time that I've given the story too much of a say in things and written myself into a tight corner, and it won't be the last (as I write this I've gone and done it again!) but that's all part of the creative experience for me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

And that's why I love doing what I do!

MARCH THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU...

2010-02-21T03:57:00.000-08:00

Hello, all you Quaint folks,

I’m one of the lucky types of writers that don’t suffer from writer’s block - in fact, quite the opposite – which nonetheless sometimes causes me to stall. The first 4 books in the Cornelius Quaint Chronicles are all done and dusted, bar the editing, and March 4^th sees the release of book 2, in the series - THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE - which is something that I’m really excited about as it’s so good, modest though I usually am (to a fault).

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I achieved with THE EQUIVOQUE PRINCIPLE, and even with its rough edges, it’s still something that I’m proud of. It was my first published piece of work, so naturally it should hold a place in my heart. But the funny thing is that I’m now focused on book 2, and getting it out there and seeing whether it gets the reaction and response that I wish for. If it gets promoted properly, and the word of mouth keeps the momentum going, it will hopefully go down well. It will also answer a few questions about where the series is going as a whole. Due to its plot and setting, EQUIVOQUE got grouped with other books in the Victorian detective thriller genre, whether they might be Glass Books of the Dream Eaters, the Erast Fandorin books, or the Lucifer Box books. That’s fine. Being labelled like that helps the retailers and publishers categorise the book, and so making it easier to market and promote. But I never intended to write Victorian fiction. I intended to write a story which happened to be set in the Victorian era, and although you might think they’re one and the same, to me as the originator of the story, they are not.

But when THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE is released, hopefully people will see beyond the labels, and see it for what it is – namely, just a plain old-fashioned adventure story with lots of twists and turns, perilous exploits and derring do. My publisher in his wisdom has seen fit to promote a tag on the book similar to the Boris Akunin tag on the first book – which was basically, if you didn’t think that THE EQUIVOQUE PRINCIPLE was as good as an Akunin book, you could send off and get your money back. To my knowledge, only one person felt that they would take him up on it (rather than doing what most human beings with a conscience would do and simply donate it to a charity shop, but there’s always one). Now, let’s be clear – I didn’t make that statement. It’s not me saying that I’m as good as Akunin, because in my view I’m not, - not yet...but Equivoque might just have been as good as Akunin's first ever published novel, who's to judge? Once again it helps to ‘label’ the book into an identifiable home from a retail perspective.

With THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE my publishers (The Friday Project/HarperCollins) are doing the same thing, this time with a tag that says the book is as good as the Flashman books by George Macdonald Fraser, or your money back. Now, I’ve not ever read any Flashman books, so I can’t confirm or deny the accolade, but of course, as a red-blooded male in my late-thirties, I am aware of the series as a literary entity. So, comparisons aside, I am far more confident of what I have achieved this time around, and just like all good sequels should be, everything is bigger and better.

Come March 4^th, I do hope you’ll come along for the ride and prove me right.

Laters, patatas.

I am good though...

2010-01-24T05:14:00.000-08:00

As I write this piece it is 12.50pm on Sunday 24th January, and I am sitting in my office cum spare bedroom, listening to Delphic on my iTunes and re-reading the finished typeset copy of the sequel to THE EQUIVOQUE PRINCIPLE, which happens to be called THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE.

During the writing and editing phase of a book as you might expect I read it a lot. Sometimes that can be detremental, sometimes just plain mental. I find myself smiling at bits that are so cool, and I find myself frowning at bits that I can't even remember writing, but overall, once it is in its typeset form with the acknowledgements and dedications page intact, it feels as real as the book can possibly be without actually being a solid inch of pages in my hands. I really enjoy reading the book in this format as sometimes staring at a sea of 12 point Times New Roman can blind you, and as a writer that has given birth to (almost, bar the editor) every letter, exclamation mark and quotation mark on the page I do accept my ownership of the finished product. When I was re-reading EQUIVOQUE again in paperback I can remember certain things that crop up in my memory. Certain paragraphs or scenes can trigger memories of where I was at the time of writing it, or what was going on in my life at the time. it is like this with all my books (and yes, loyal reader, you may have only seen the one but right at this moment there are four Cornelius Quaint books already completed plus another two of something else entirely).

The birth of THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE began sat on a cold stone bench near Buckingham Palace Road in London, opposite the old offices of my publishers (THE FRIDAY PROJECT). This was some time in 2007 I believe, and I was meeting the friendly Friday folk for the first time to discuss the direction of the Cornelius Quaint series and what I had in mind. I was nervous in a kind of interview way, the first time that I met Mr Scott Pack - a man who when it comes to books knows his onions, and if I am honest, his involvement and backing of the Quaint series was one of the driving forces behind me signing with TFP. We sat down and spoke about what the plans were for both Cornelius and myself, and where we wanted the series to go. Richard E Grant's name was even mentioned at some point.

At that stage, all that existed of THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE was a few pages of notes in my book and some rough sketches (when I'm thinking of a very visual scene I find it helpful to draw little pictures like a movie storyboard which can save a whole page of descriptive text) and a very loose general outline of what was to occur. That's a very fun stage, the moment when the idea is at its most freshest point, unsullied by rewrites or edits, and the page is blank so anything can happen and the story can go anywhere.

During the 3 years or so since I first began to flesh out the story lots of things happened to it - where it was going, what it lacked, where it was good, where it was awful, cliched, tired and cluttered, after the editing phase, after the copy-editing/proofreading stage etc - and yet the finished product is almost exactly the same as the very first version that I had plotted out in 2007 - albeit with some much cooler stuff added.

In March comes the release of THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE and as I sit here writing this, taking a break from a re-read, I am content that it is great stuff - and I'm usually not good with the whole patting myself on the back thing, really I'm not, but it's such a fantastic adventure - of the type that I would enjoy reading immensely (which is how I judge all my books). THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE does what all good sequels do - it expands the characters from the first book, taking them in a new direction, a new enemy rears his head, and loads of subplots begin to bubble away to be capitalised in later books. This book is where the course of Cornelius Quaint's destiny begins to show formation. New enemies and allies, Egyptian curses and ancient tombs, challenges, trials, scrapes and japes - but all cast in a familiar mold as began in EQUIVOQUE.

So essentially, I am really happy with this one. I was happy with Equivoque too, but that was written many years ago and so much has changed. I look upon it sort of like I might look upon an ex-partner (it was fun whilst it lasted, but in the end I knew I could do better). With the release of this book and where it takes Cornelius and Madame Destine proves that anything can happen, and it probably will.

With at least one more Cornelius Quaint adventure definitely seeing print in 2011, I am excited about what might occur when the sequel hits the shops. Based on word of mouth it may do really well, but I can't please everyone. Those people who read and enjoyed Equivoque will find THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE more of the same, yet cranked up a level, with both Cornelius and I hitting our stride....to those who read Equivoque and didn't like it - what the hell are you doing reading this blog?
Thanks for listening.

The Big One?

2010-01-04T04:26:00.000-08:00

So this is 2010 then.

Already it feels a better than 2009, which was always just 2010 waiting to happen. Now we have a fully fledged 10 in there and it's always nice to round things up. As is usually the way at the beginning of a new year, it's a time for reflection - a time to look forward and fulfill those promises to our dreams.

I don't like to blow my own trumpet (it hurts, frankly, trying to bend down that far) but I think that I did pretty well way back in 2006 to get my 3 book Cornelius Quaint contract with The Friday Project/HarperCollins. It is probably the only time in my life where I have had a dream come to fruition (and not just simply change my dream into something else when it didn't work out) - writing something that I worked hard at, spending all my freetime trying to make this thing happen, and having an end product to be proud of. It can be a lonely place of dying, sat alone at a keyboard wondering if this story is 'the big one', the idea that will knock people's socks off and be successful enough for me to quit my day job and do what I love full-time, knowing that you are doing right by your story but yet not knowing if it'll be 'good enough'. I've still got many novel ideas saved, ready for me to revisit them and renew them with more experienced eyes. Seeing as it's a new year, I think it's more important to focus on what I am doing now, have recently done, and will soon do...

When my first book THE EQUIVOQUE PRINCIPLE was released in paperback last February 2009 I hoped for the best. It was an unknown quantity - as was I. I was lucky enough to have a savvy publisher, and as there had been a glut of Victorian detective/thriller/romp stories released prior to Equivoque, I knew that this would either impede or propel me. Fans of that genre might have picked it up wanting more of the same, or non-fans might have avoided it completely on that basis. Secretly, I hoped that my book was original enough for people to enjoy it, with a good adventure story at its heart, populated with an interesting cast and an engaging hero, and with lots of teases for what might come in the future. I'm confident enough now to want to stand up and shout "For crying out loud, don't judge it on whether it's a good Victorian book - judge it on whether it's a bloody good story or not full-stop!" I've read reviews where people have criticised Equivoque as not being 'Victorian' enough...(sigh)...I want to say that it was never intended to be a Victorian detective thriller - the fact that it was set in 1853 was a consequence of the story - because this is hard to believe perhaps, but I did not consciously choose to set it in that era...that was just where the story took me, and at its heart the idea is pure. I won't apologise for that. The story (which is what it is, let's be fair...it's a bloody storybook!) is for amusement, relaxation, escapism, humour, the thrill of the ride etc - not open for a review on its historical accuracy. It was not meant to be a clinical dissection of the Victorian age - that was just a backdrop, just scene-setting, nothing more.

I've read the book myself somewhere in the region of twenty times, and still today I look back and can't remember writing some of it. It still excites me, and I - upon stepping back and changing my hat from reader into writer - still enjoy it. Yet, with the passage of time comes experience, and now I find when I read it there are so many things that I would do differently - and some that I would change altogether - but it is what it is. If it was a movie, perhaps I could do a Director's Cut and re-release it....but The Equivoque Principle was the first brick laid and will always be open to scrutiny. It sold okay, if you're wondering. Nothing major. Nothing to set book charts alike or anything like that, but I had to keep reminding myself to be realistic, and a few thousand copies sold by an unknown author is something to be proud of. At the end of the day, writing is my hobby, and to get anything back from that - be it positive feedback, some good contacts, and enough moola to take the family on holiday - then Yay for me.

THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE is the sequel to Equivoque and when things will begin to click together - for both Cornelius Quaint's adventures and hopefully my career. Equivoque was just the first brick. What comes next takes that foundation and builds upon it. Everything is the same, and yet everything is different. Things are done, things are said, seeds are sown, and all sorts of roads lead from where it ends.

It is released in March of this year by the kindly folk at The Friday Project, and in many ways the book's success will be even more crucial to me than THE EQUIVOQUE PRINCIPLE's was, because this is where it kicks things off in earnest, and gets to the 'heart' of my original idea...which was always intended to be a series whose story transcends across so many different genres that it is difficult to pigeon-hole it.

Cornelius Quaint and Madame Destine will face challenges of the heart and mind, tortures of the soul and body in Egypt, and some very fun, unexpected and interesting things will occur, and it is my hope that Plague will all of a sudden stand out from the Victoriana crowd for what the series was intended to be in my mind. In many ways, THE EQUIVOQUE PRINCIPLE was a pilot episode, a mini-series entree - a big 300+ page scene setter. Not to do the book any disservice - it was supposed to be that way - but the things that happen as a direct consequence of Cornelius Quaint's actions rival all sorts of parallels and likenesses.

To borrow a neat little trick from this month's copy of Empire, when THE ELEVENTH PLAGUE is listed in Amazon it might just as well say: "Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, DOCTOR WHO, THE HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY, JAMES BOND, MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS, HARRY POTTER, FLASHMAN and RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK".

So for now, to borrow a quote from Matt Smith..."Geronimo, 2010!"

Consequences of Conversation

2009-12-24T03:26:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged for a while because I believe in only writing stuff when there's something important (to you or me) or vaguely interesting (to you or me) to write about. You really don't want to read about how icy it is outside my house, or how the wheel of a bloke's car fell off and rolled down the hill and he nearly slipped and broke his arse-bones trying to run after it, do you? (Do you? Really?) That's what Twitter is for - irreverent and frequently unconnected ramblings and observations. No, what you want from this blog is probably nuts and bolts kind of stuff. Maybe my own personal view about writing, my thoughts on what I and other authors think, stuff I've learned, the route I took to publishing and all that lark. Interesting though it is (and a damn sight more so than the wheel coming off story) that's not why I came here today.

I had a few (too many perhaps) drinks with a couple of stalwart friends of mine over the weekend, and minus me passing out before 11pm and waking up at 5am just as my mates were going to bed, I had a good time. But a consequence of one of the conversations has stuck with me since and I began to think.

One of my stalwart friends has a very literary and lyrical mind. He thinks things through, he analyses things, and he comes to conclusions about things by way of the facts how he perceives them. He knows loads of stuff about the world, history and politics, geography, the growth and decline of civilised society etc (and is fast catching me up as an oracle on all things Doctor Who). The other of my stalwart friends is obsessed with conspiracies of all kinds. Aliens, CO2 emissions, deadly gas clouds floating in the air. You know the type. Both interesting characters to be sure, and great mates to share some beers with, but I admit that when the conversation drifts towards serious topics such as politics and global warming and all that high-brow stuff, I feel slightly inadequate - not because I'm dense or anything, but because it's not something that I spend any amount of time really thinking about in too much depth (to my shame? Not too sure) - and certainly I've never actively involved myself in heated discussions about that kind of stuff. It's on my to-do list. I don't think about it long enough to form an opinion, mainly because there is nothing that I can do to influence it, and I am a great believer in only worrying about things that you can do something about. There are so many other things to think about - My last book, my next book, getting another contract, getting an agent, my direction as a writer etc. etc. So when the conversation drifted at one stage to writing, I was pleased to orate a little about my latest project - and to his credit, my stalwart friend listened, (as he always has) with the occasional humourous aside or thinly veiled criticism, but I'm used to that ;)

My stalwart friend is currently excitedly in the midst of an exceptionally interesting concept ( I can't do it justice, but it's good, trust me) and it's something that I have longed to see him return to. It's a creative streak that runs through his veins, much like myself - but then a juncture in the road is reached where my stalwart friend and I part ways, and it is this that has got me thinking and blogging.

When my stalwart friend first told me about what he was working on, I was intrigued, although a little confused about what he was trying to do. As ideas go, it is sitting on a knife's edge between conceptually amazing and mystifyingly oblique. But now I realise that I was judging it on my own scale of success, and this was clarified during Saturday's conversation. We are both creative types, him and I, but I am an author looking for success in my books. I want them to sell really well, of course, but mostly I want people to enjoy reading them. I am always thinking about my next book, where it is, where it's going, and if this is 'the one' that will kind of push me into the big time - whatever that is for authors. Until I had spoken to my stalwart friend, I had assumed that he was after the same goal. But in actuality, for him, it is not like that. This concept of his is something that is in his soul that he needs to exorcise. Like me, he is bewitched by his projects, he wakes in the night and it's all he can think about (me too), he finds himself thinking about it whenever his mind is unshackled by real life (me too) but he just wants to do this project and to hell with it if it's not successful. Success doesn't even appear on his radar.

The subject of selling the idea came up, and I explained what he would need to do to snare a publisher/agent, and then he looked at me strangely.

He said "It's not like that. What does it have do with being published?"

So I said "Well, if it's not going to be published, what's the point in writing it in the first place? If no one is going to read what you write, why do it?"

Which begs the question............. What sort of writer am I?

And in fact, it answers it too.

Here's me.

I have wanted to be an author for a very long time, and wanted to be a successful one just as long. I want to write full time, to give up my day job and say proudly that an author is my occupation, and to do that I need to sell more books. It will happen, and I'm not naive enough to expect it to happen overnight. It's a trade, a craft, and I need to become a better writer.

Does it make me any less or more of a writer to want success, or to judge myself by my successes? Does it make my stalwart friend any less or more of one considering his lack of need/want to be published? It's an interesting debate, and one that now I know the boundaries, I can comfortably discuss with him. It's not global warming, deadly gas clouds, international politics or the state of the British pound - things that I know nothig about - but to me, writing (and my family of course, lest I forget) is at the top of my list of priorities. That is my driving focus, my intoxication, my dream, and that is a subject that I know much about.

With my books I am on course for my dream, I am walking the right steps, taking the right routes so I will get there in the end. If my stalwart friend, inside the bubble of his own internal creativity, only wants to get the words and emotions out from his head and onto the page, he is not encumbered by any obstacles, or rejection (be they from agents or publishers or writing peers) so maybe he has already achieved his dream.

Merry Christmas to one and all, but mainly to you, my stalwart friend, for having your own mind and the dedication to do right by it.

Busy Doing Nothing

2009-12-03T06:47:00.000-08:00

So I was going to start by answering all those emails requesting details of what I am working on at the moment, but then, upon realising that I had in fact received no emails requesting details of what I am working on at the moment, I figured the point was null and void.

But I'm joking with you. Of course I'm working on something. Actually it is something that I have lots of positive vibes about, I don't mind saying. What I like about it is my approach to it, and how much freedom I have with it. With my other stories there is a formula, a rider list of essential ingedients. The mark must hits all the points along the route if the end destination is to make any sense. By that I mean plot points, those little subliminal markers where you know the beats of the plot. The whole beginning middle and end thing that everyone harps on about doesn't exist for me. I know how the story MUST end - which is quite helpful when creating an interlocking ongoing series - and that is what fuels me on. I have this little GPS machine in my head. All the stuff in-between the markers, that's the A to B, the patter, the character's voices and intentions, bread and butter stuff. It's the markers that they are leading up to.

The second Cornelius Quaint book handles the marker points exceptionally well. And for me it was a case of moving things along the road, and hitting each mark on cue. You'll see it once the finished product is out in March 2010. It's much more of a story, more of an adventure, as just as there are cues and marks to hit in the series, there were far more to hit when traipsing around fogbound Victorian London. As I've said in an interview recently, in order to sell Victorian London you need to reference key aspects of what is typically 'Victorian'. I'm not a history writer, I'm a storyteller, and sometimes there are barriers that your very own story has presented you with. It's like the story is struggling with you, tugging at you so that you've got no choice to amend what you've done, or work the story around it. I can't tell you how many characters I have killed off early in a book only to realise that they are actually pretty crucial to the tale - or the one succeeding it. And so I keep them, stow them away and let them boil a bit longer.

What I am working on now has no plotpoints to hit, no cues or markers. It is simply a good old fashioned story of good against evil and then good betrays good so that he can eventually defeat evil all over again...you know the type. And let's me tell you, the knowledge that in this story, anything can happen and I am in control (not the story).

You got to love that, right?
Anyways, cheers.

Six Degrees and counting...

2009-10-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

I want you to take a look at these two pictures. You recognise him of course.
It’s Tom Bosley, better known as Mr Cunningham in Happy Days, and Father Dowling in the Father Dowling Mysteries.

But look again and you might be startled to know that this is in fact not solely Tom Bosley, for the picture on the left is actually that of actor David Doyle.

They look remarkably similar to me, and this is something that has become a bit of a myth to me.

I can’t actually recall if I figured this out all on my lonesome, or if I had help from one of my mates years ago, but here’s the deal.

David Doyle is perhaps best known for his role in the Charlie’s Angels TV show. Now wait, if you’ve never noticed this before you’d better sit down (of course, seeing as this is the net, no doubt you’re already sat down as only 3% of the Earth’s population access the internet whilst standing up).

David Doyle’s character in Charlie's Angles was called Bosley and yet David Doyle looks remarkably similar to Tom Bosley. So, Bosley the character looks just like Bosley the real life person.

Do you have any idea how much that screwed with my mind as a youth? How could a fictional character called Bosley be played by an actor who bore an uncanny resemblance to a real person who was called Bosley?

Someone talk me through that.

And once you’re done, explain this group of brothers…

Caroline Smailes Drops By...

2009-10-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

Hi all you Quaint folks,

I thought considering today is a Thursday, why don't we set ourselves up nicely for the weekend with a change of scene. Today we have company, and it’s someone special. Perhaps someone that you might not be familiar with, or perhaps someone that you have experienced yourself, but even if you answered yes to both, I know that you will find her answers fascinating.

The incomparable Caroline Smailes has dropped by Quaint Manor and agreed to do an interview for your reading pleasure. Trust me, guys – this is a BIG deal, I kid you not. I’m trying to think of an analogy here to put this into perspective, but all I can think of is that it’s kind of like Goliath agreeing to do an interview for David. No, wait…that doesn’t work considering how things panned out for Goliath. Okay, how about this – it’s kind of like Michael Jordan agreeing to an interview with Troy Bolton. No, wait….oh, to hell with it. Here it is. She’s very good. Go buy her books.

Q1. Caroline, thank you for agreeing to this interview. As a precursor, how would you describe your books?

Eek, a difficult one! I guess my stories are personal journeys, not my own but rather those of my characters. They’re comments on society, on human weakness, on grief, on loss, on insecurity, on parental love, on topics that others shy away from. My books are about societies where bad things happen and human beings often initially fail to cope, but mainly I seem to write books that cause reaction (be it positive or negative).

Q2. I think you are one of those authors that people will want to go out and buy ‘the next Caroline Smailes book’ because your voice is original and uncompromising…but the question is; what kind of author do YOU think you are?

(Thank you, that’s a really lovely thing to say!). I see myself as a very selfish writer. Though I cherish my readers, I really find it hard to believe that people actually buy my books. Just last week I phoned up the (lovely patient) royalty lady at HarperCollins to check my royalty statement, because I thought they’d made a mistake. I do think that this comes in handy when I write, because I block out any thoughts of anyone ever reading my words. That way, I can write whatever I want and then worry about who might read/hate me/be shocked/love me when I really really have to. I worry that any writer who tries to write to please their readers is doomed to failure and uncertainty. So I write what I feel and what I need to write, then sit with fingers crossed that my agent, publisher and, most importantly, my readers will like my work. So, you see, selfish!

Q3. Are you a slave to an idea, or do you make it work for you? Or a bit of both?

My books always start out with characters and with me having absolutely no idea about the plot. It’s all about voice to start with, then character development and then finally plot and themes. Sometimes (and I possibly shouldn’t be saying this, but…) it’s not until I’ve completed the first or second draft of the story that deeper themes or ideas begin to shine through.

Q4. One of the most original aspects of your work is the changing fonts, sizes, the juxtaposition of particular words or repeating phrases, and the whole ‘package’ of the book as if each aspect is part of an orchestra. Reading your work is a true reading experience, with different parts of your brain being called into action as you read. How much of that grew out of the genesis of the idea, and how much is purely the way you utilise words?

I’ve always been fascinated by linguistics, it was the basis for my PhD study and I used to lecture in it. With In Search of Adam and with Black Boxes, I felt that the straight written word wasn’t enough so the altered font choices and the white space provided additional shape and texture to the words.

My novels have been a development of the idea that a writer can extend their work into another area that lies between the written word and the brain (and I am aware that that sounds highly pretentious!). In my first 2 novels, I experimented with the visual text and the presentation of sound. I needed the way that the fonts looked to carry meaning that added to the words and to the context. This meant that the voice of a young girl (Jude in In Search of Adam) could be given additional texture and life through varying font size and layout. This is an ongoing process, but in novel 3 (Like Bees to Honey) I use my fonts to signal altered voice and translation and in novel 4 no altered fonts are used at all, instead the experimental elements are hidden within the words (it’s all very clever sounding!). I guess that if a reader chose to read my books in order, then they’d see just how my ideas develop and morph.

Q5. One of the things that I have said about ‘In Search of Adam’ is that when I was reading it, I felt as if I was being told a secret by the characters that no one else knew, and it is the same with ‘Black Boxes’. I really want to dive into the pages and save them. They are truly ‘speaking’ to the reader. Can I ask how the evolution of those characters came about?

Sometimes it feels like the characters write themselves. I see the images in my head and then write the scene out. It’s hard to explain without sounding insane, but my characters exist and feel real before they’re developed on paper. I often write out of order and may start a novel with a scene that ends up being near the end of the book. It’s as if I write a series of independent clips and then I join them all together. As I write the characters tend to evolve, they react to scenes and events, showing me their deeper character traits. I know this sounds clichéd but it’s genuinely the case, so for you to say that you want to 'save' them, well that’s a true compliment because I try really really hard not to make my characters rubbish.

Q6. Whilst my ideas and characters are drawn from a love of escapism, yours are skilful dissections of a human condition that the characters would no doubt wish to escape from. What draws you to write stories about such heartfelt issues?

Though I write about fictional characters in fictional situations, I’m drawn to reflecting authentic human emotion and behaviour. I guess this stems from a personal need for my writing to say ‘something’ and to be about ‘something’ beyond the visual impact. I often find writing a draining experience. Sometimes, I have to sink into disturbing worlds when my thoughts become the same as my characters, this can mean thinking like a victim of sexual abuse, a suicidal woman or even a child molester. I guess this shows just how much I’m drawn by a need to speak out.

Q7. Can you describe your journey prior to being published?

Back in September 2005, I was trying to be an academic. I’d returned to PhD study after the births of my three children and was all set to devote my life to linguistics. The problem was that deep down I knew that it wasn’t making me happy. I was writing in secret, whenever I could and had a character called Jude who desperately wanted to be developed. Then I watched a repeat of a Richard and Judy show, where they referred to someone as a ‘Nearly Woman’, saying she nearly did things but never quite finished them and something inside of me freaked out. I emailed my colleague and ranted about how I was a ‘Nearly Woman’ and how my PhD wasn’t what I wanted to do. Over the course of the email exchanges I decided that if I didn’t try to see if I could write a novel, then I’d spend the rest of my life wondering if I could and ‘nearly’ doing things that I really didn’t want to do.

Now when I think of the rest of the story it feels unbelievable and too spontaneous for me! Within two weeks of that Richard and Judy show I’d given up my PhD and enrolled on an MA in Creative Writing. I continued to write my novel and finished it within a year. I then started blogging and had a very basic website designed, showcasing the characters and an extract from my novel. Three weeks after launching that blog and website I was discovered by a cyber-scouting publisher who requested my full manuscript, a few days later I had a publishing contract and In Search of Adam was published nine months later in June 2007.

Q8. Can you describe a typical writing day?

I’m lucky to have 2 or 3 writing days every week. My typical day starts at 8am, when my children leave for school, and I’m to be found at my desk with a huge mug of tea (always the same mug). I then write, check Twitter, check emails, write, drink more tea, walk Oscar the puppy, write, drink more tea and rarely speak out loud. I aim for over 3000 words when writing and plod through chapters when redrafting. I stay at my desk until my children come home from school and I always leave a writing session knowing what I’m going to write the next day.

Q9. Which other writers have most influenced you?

Simple - Jeanette Winterson, Roald Dahl, Margaret Atwood and Angela Carter.

Q10. Can you offer any advice for people wanting to be published?

Never ever give up!

Q11. What are you working on at the moment?

I’m waiting to start the edits and production of my 3rd novel, Like Bees to Honey which is due to be published in May 2010 and I’m on the second draft of my 4th and most experimental novel yet, 99 Reasons Why, which is due to be published spring 2011. I’ve also got a top secret digital project to start and the thought of just how complicated it’s going to be to write is both exciting and terrifying, at the same time.

Q12. And finally…what is the best line/s that you have ever written?

“Attached In Search Of Adam. I look forward to hearing from you. Happy reading, Caroline.”

And there we are, folks. See? Told you it would be special. Caroline can be found blogging at this address:

http://www.carolinesmailes.co.uk/blog/

Following in big footsteps

2009-09-29T02:05:00.000-07:00

James Bond. Mr Darcy. Doctor Who - Taking on a role that is has been so unforgettably defined by another actor must be a daunting and double-edged task, and taking on a role that is iconic, and revered by an army of fans must only add to the pressure. Daniel Craig was famously slammed by certain sectors of the internet, and one individual even went so far as to create a website ladled of criticisms against Craig a long, long, long time before Casino Royale was released. The site’s originator was allegedly a hardcore James Bond fan that was unhappy with Craig’s casting, and the internet provided him with a voice-box. He was proved wrong, of course – spectacularly embarrassingly so, I might add. Casino Royale was a massive hit both with fans and critics alike but even more importantly, Daniel Craig was an exceptional 007, breathing new life into what was an admittedly stale franchise and even staler character – and the fans loved him. The real fans, that is. Not some lonely soul in his attic with a laptop venting his fury for the world to read.

But Bond had been coasting on his own fumes for years. What Pierce Brosnan did prior to Craig was great, and of the four films he did, every one of them is able to stand shoulder to shoulder with the 007 canon (even Die Another Day with all its dodgy CGI, dodgy Madonna, and dodgyAston Martin Vanquish has a spectacular opening sequence that has the most sustained volume than any other film I have seen). But Brosnan was re-treading old ground, going through the motions without breaking a sweat. An actor that had reinvigorated the Bond franchise after it had languished in limbo for years was suddenly not the man for the job anymore, and rumours abound whether Brosnan was pushed, or if he walked. His loss was an indicator that Hollywood’s movie moguls realised they were running out of ideas. And so what did they do? They started again at the beginning. Hollywood has got a thing for remakes these days (some good, some bad) and even more of a thing for a reboot – a term that could only have originated in a world run by Microsoft. A reboot solves everything –just wipe the slate clean, forget about whatever you had, get over it. A reboot is a gentle way of saying: “Our franchise is past its sell-by date.”

‘Batman Begins’ kick-started the whole thing off by taking Bruce Wayne/Batman back to his roots, yet at the same time reinventing him to be 'current' – and it did it well, not only breathing new life into the character, but single-handedly erasing all the celluloid misdemeanors of ‘Batman and Robin’ – which effectively killed the Batman movie franchise dead in its tracks. So when Craig was given the role of James Bond, he wasn’t just taking on an acting job – he held the future of the 007 franchise in his hands. Christian Bale was lucky – it probably never even occurred to him that Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer and George Clooney were hard acts to follow. With the exception of Keaton (who for my money was great, just never given enough to do Bat-wise), I think Bale would have been right to think that. But think about poor old Daniel Craig. He had the likes of Connery, Moore, Brosnan and Lazenby to contend with. Hard acts to follow all three of them. Now add to that the expectation of millions of 007 fans who know what they want, then no matter how focused Mr Craig is, he must have felt the trepidation of taking over the reins of something that is so well-loved, so well-established, so steeped in millions of fans’ consciousness.

Which brings me to my point nicely.

Next month sees the release of ‘And Another Thing’, part six of The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy trilogy. The Hitchhiker’s series was written by the late, great Douglas Adams. It was a 1978 radio series, the trilogy of books began in 1979, then a 1981 TV show, and it was also given the Hollywood treatment in the 2005 movie (still undecided about that one). The books have been released, re-released, re-packaged and released, re-packaged, re-released with new covers or forewords so many times since their original release and this is purely because they are bloody good, and people love them. I mean really love, as in care for deeply as if they are a lifelong friend kind of love. I have 3 copies of The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy (don’t ask) and all of them have different covers. I’m not going to harp on about the genius of the books, or how they are among the most imaginative books that I have ever read. Far more loquacious folk than I have done and will do so - No, what I wanted to say (always a bonus when writing a blog) is that a certain author by the name of Eoin Colfer is no doubt going through all the turmoil suffered by the likes of Messrs Craig and Bale, yet bigger.

Universally so.

Eoin Colfer is the mega-selling author of the brilliant Artemis Fowl series. He's a fantastically funny, creative genius (in my opinion) and I have enjoyed every single one of his books. Not just the creator of six Artemis Fowl series, Colfer also penned The Supernaturalist, The Wish List, Half Moon Investigations, Airman and many more fantastic books enjoyed by children and adults alike. He’s successful because he’s good at what he does. He gets it. He knows how to tell a story. And he’s funny. I saw him perform his one man show/ talk/ gig whatever you want to call it, a couple of years ago and it was quite apparent that the genial Irishman has ‘funny’ all through him. But funny does not make a Hitchhiker’s book, you say, and yes, that has to be said. The HHGTTG (or whatever the acronym is) books are more than just funny, they are inspirationally imaginative, pastiches, statements about humanity, sardonic, social commentaries and so much more besides. The good news is that Colfer is a self-confessed Adams fan, and has been since his teenage years. The books have influenced him on so many levels, and there have been Adams-esque moments of imaginative brilliance peppered throughout every one of his books. In short, if you are a Hitchhiker’s fan and don’t know Eoin (pronounced 'Owen' by the way) Colfer’s work, then firstly shame upon you, and secondly – Don’t Panic! I can’t think of anyone else in the galaxy that could pull off writing another Hitchhiker’s book other than him. Plus, Colfer has the stamp of approval from Jane Belson (Adams’s widow). He is quoted as saying that if Ms Belson had not liked the book, he would not have allowed it to see print. She did, and so it has.

And so with the release of ‘And Another Thing’ we don’t have a remake, or a reboot, or even a re-casting…we simply have a torch being passed from one great author to another, and I for one am certain that Arthur and co are in the best of hands. And what is more interesting is the crossover appeal from an author who already has a massive following in one genre, now embarking on a new venture into uncharted territory. Douglas Adams fans will be introduced to Eoin Colfer, and Eoin Colfer fans will be introduced to Douglas Adams and the world will unite in one big happy family, seeing an end to injustice and tyranny – or it might just put a lot of smiles on people’s face.

Anyways, a longer blog this time, so thanks for sticking with me.

Knot on my Hanky

2009-09-23T04:22:00.000-07:00

Hello all you Quaint folks,

An odd thing is happening. As the author of the Cornelius Quaint series, I didn't have a set number in my head how many stories I might produce. I've got loads to tell, but at the same time I wanted to move on, and push some of my other books out there. When I came to write the 4th Cornelius Quaint book, The Romulus Equation, in my mind I was on a precipice - the book would either just be an end to the particular arc that began in The Equivoque Principle and then I am free to move on and do some more radical CQ adventures, or it would be an end full-stop.

Although the 1st book is the only one that has my name on it in the shops at the moment, the sequel The Eleventh Plague will be out in March of next year. The cover is all finished, my first draft is completed, and the copy-editor has finished her work on what will now become the 'final edit'.

But a lot has happened in my mind since I typed that last full-stop at the end of Romulus. It is left with an open door to either kill it dead or carry on until I am old and grey(er). That gives me a lot of freedom, and of course only having one book out so far has not automatically made me rich and famous. That's not me being bitter. I never intended to be rich and famous. Well-read and well-liked, yes. And if riches and fame came along with that, then all the better. But I did not set out to be JKRowling in it.....(bad pun intended). For all I know, when The Eleventh Plague is released it might fall flat on its arse and kill off any chance I have of doing this writer thing full-time. Or it might not. It might be just another step closer to what I want. Or I might have to wait until the 3rd book, The Lazarus Curse is released. Lots of 'or's' in there, but that only equates to lots of 'what if's' if you're possessed of an optimistic mind as I am.

So this morning, I began work on a 5th Cornelius Quaint book. And the problem is that I know exactly what to do with it. I know the characters, the villains, their motivations, and I know Quaint. I even know the title - The Sovereign Key - I know when it is set, and I have a vague idea of some of the stuff that I can get up to. More of the same, but more.

But hang on a minute, did I say problem? Over the past few years of me writing Quaint stories I have a whole ton of material that I've not had chance to use, or I have used it and discarded it as it didn't fit. Scenes that I cut out in favour of others, sequences that were great but just didnt fit, and bits and bobs of other stuff that would only have got in the way before. It's a Frankenstein way to write, but all the ideas are mine and mine only, so why should any go to waste? In both Lazarus and Romulus there is a subplot that was purposely laid so that I could pick up on it when I needed to. A knot at the end of my handkerchief.So why would that be a problem? Well, it is a problem because as I say, I'd intended to leave Quaint alone for a bit and let the dust settle so that I could pursue other ideas and projects. I must have another 2 or 3 complete novels in various stages of development - most complete. For about 3 months I have dusted off an old idea and reshaped it into a really exciting and potentially fantastic trilogy - but now I am being side-tracked to write another Quaint story. It's like I don't have much of a choice in the matter. I'm just going along with the flow. Now, that is definitely not a Frankenstein way to write and I think that it might just be the way that I write. If I were to examine myself (in a purely literary sense, of course) I might be quite intrigued by the fact that it is the idea/notion/plan/dream that I am letting guide me, and nothing more than wanting to be creative that drives me. With such a pure of heart intention such as that, surely I deserve to be rich and famous, right?

And so there it is, the big skinny or whatever they call it.

Caroline Smailes and her mighty pen

2009-09-14T03:35:00.000-07:00

Hello all you Quaint folks,

Just to inform you that there is an interview with yours truly today on the sparklingly talented Caroline Smailes's website. Do please pop over and say Hi, and even a chance to win one of 3 limited editions of The Equivoque Principle. And whilst you are there, stay awhile and have a look. For me I feel a bit like a fraud being interviewed by someone that I hold in such high regard, for whereas I am merely a writer....Caroline is an author. I write larger than life action, humour and adventure but she writes life that is smaller, more personal, and scrutinized with a lethal eye, all told with a far more intimate voice that I could ever dream of emulating. She could wipe the floor with me - in a purely literary sense, you understand.

For those who are not familiar with Caroline's work, shame on you. 'In Search Of Adam' was one of those books that I read that stuck with me long afterwards. The innocent and haunting words are so wonderfully arranged, and the sheer force of will of Caroline's writing comes through on every page. I have never read a narrative voice quite like it. When I held the book in my hands after reading just the first few chapters, feeling the intensity of the story, I felt as if I was in charge of a secret that only I knew.

Do something nice for your cerebellum today, introduce it to this, and Caroline's subsequent novels Black Boxes and Disraeli Avenue (which is available to download for FREE my friends and well worth every non-penny you don't even have to spend!). And there is more to come from Caroline next year, so add her to your favourites this instant!

Anyways, you pop off and see what I mean.

Nothing is wasted, only reproduced

2009-09-11T04:39:00.000-07:00

Hi all you Quaint folks,

Continuing on from the point below, you might ask 'Why set your novel in the Victorian era if it's going to cause you so many headaches validating if it's all possible?' and the answer is that I didn't intentionally choose that era to set Cornelius Quaint's chronicles in, it just sort of happened.

I've tried many times in the past to sit down with a blank screen or a notebook, and conjure up (no pun intended) interesting stories, scenarios and characters. Mostly, it doesn't happen. Why? Because I'm trying too hard.

The night I created Cornelius Quaint and the circus folk, I didn't consciously choose to do so. It began with a vague thought about the old Victorian freak shows, and I wondered how much mileage would be in a story like that - especially because the very idea of them doesn't sit well in my mind. Gradually, the ideas morphed themselves into a bigger idea, and that idea then gave itself a bit more form and substance in the cold light of day. I still have the very first synopsis that I wrote for The Equivoque Principle way back in 2005 or so, and it's interesting for me to look back at that now with 4 books (in various stages of completion) under my belt, and wonder how I came to make all those choices and decisions. Some aspects of that germ of an idea are still there. Some obvious and up front, others just below the surface. The inflection of someone's speech, a particular action sequence or conversation...but why did I consciously (or unconsciously) decide to follow through certain ideas, but drop others? Why did I change the whole direction of the story overnight? The boisterous conjuror, the bearded lady, the wolf boy and the grisly strongman from that very first synopsis still exist somewhere down the line and even individual lines of dialogue that I wrote four years ago are still recycled and used at some point.

I have a notebook where I have plotted out the whole of the Cornelius Quaint series right up until book 8. I know exactly what happens, who the antagonists are and what their motive is. I know how they talk, what they look like and I could name every one of those plots right here and now. But I won't. The point is, that sometimes the idea is bigger than you. Sometimes it needs time to settle and grow a layer of dust before you can look at it with more critical eyes. And who knows; I might just settle and leave it at four books. The door is certainly open for me to do that. No one is biting my hand off for a 16 book series - and to be honest, if I had pitched a 16 book series as a debut author, which publisher in their right mind would take that sort of gamble. The ideas are there in that notebook in a skeleton form if I want them, but if not I can always utilise them and stick them elsewhere in another book about other things entirely.

In the words of Damon Albarn; nothing is wasted, only reproduced.

Anyways, go on. Get out of here.

Spot the Delibrate Mistook

2009-09-11T04:10:00.000-07:00

Hi all you Quaint folks,
I'm having to keep a lot of plates spinning in the air at the moment. The sequel to The Equivoque Principle (The Eleventh Plague for those not in the know) is currently going through the eagle eyes of the copy-editor and having a good editor can mean the difference between a good book and a fantastic one. So, I've told her that she has carte blanche to pick up on the tiniest of details that I might have got wrong/need to adjust during the course of the book. Thankfully, so far the things that she has found are minor and usually easily fixed by a matter of adding, deleting or substituting a word or a line.

One thing that she is proving to be invaluable for is her knowledge of Egypt - a plus, seeing as the book is set there! For example, she has informed me that a river that I note in the book (set in 1853) was not actually created until a hundred years later - something overlooked by me during my research of Egypt. I approximated where the book was set, and studied maps to try and 'place' the book's settings. But even after all that studious effort, still this thing slipped through the cracks. I hadn't even considered that a river that exists 'now' would not have been in existence 'then'. And these are the sort of things that are a constant source of worry for me as an author. My heart dropped when I read emails from people after Equivoque telling me that certain things were impossible because of the period they were set in (although a recent one was so unbelievably condescending that I found it hard not to retailiate. I did resist, though. Yay, me). A good copy-editor picks up on these things before they go to print, and a fantastic one picks up on all the tiniest, minutest details that are wrong or are open to misinterpretaton.

Another thing she picked up on was the use of the word 'speleologist' (as I'm sure all of you know is someone who studies cave formations). Now, my thought process was simply that in the course of the story, one of the central characters refers to herself as a speleologist. Simple enough, right? Wrong, because my eagle-eyed spotter has informed me that the term was not in current use in 1853, and consequenlty that one word is like a pin to a balloon. Of course you might argue -so what? Who's going to know what that word even means, let alone whay year it was put into popular use, and the answer to that, my friends, is simple: I would know. And that would be enough.

As much as I would like to believe that every word, sentence, paragraph, chapter, book that I type is perfect, I know that this is far from the truth. I'm a realist, and I know my books won't change the world, but they arent intended to. They are intended to be a fun read, nothing more - but that doesn't mean that I don't want them to be the bestest funnest reads that I can make. Anyway, that's my two cents worth.

Tuesday's boy

2009-09-08T01:33:00.000-07:00

Hi all you Quaint folks,
Just so I don't write one post then run out of ideas, I thought I'd zip another one along. Today I am working working working - not on my books, mind (as much as I'd like) But no. Doing my real (less interesting it has to be said) job.
But tonight, my friends, once the 5 o'clock bell rings, I am in writing mode and tonight I have a big thing to pull off (Ok, bad choice of words, but you know where I'm coming from (D'Oh! I did it again - but enough, or I'll end up sounding like Lord Likely (http://www.lordlikely.com).
No, tonight I have to slot in about 50 pages of story that I've realised that I need. It's an odd way to do stuff, but it works for me. It's kind of like jotting down everything as it comes into my mind, and then going back and reshuffling it all around so it fits. Basically, I am almost at the end of the second volume of The Argonaut's Almanac and I know where it's got to be, as the 3rd book is already begun, but the hard part is knowing when to draw a line and stop. As it's a continuing story across a trilogy, each volume has to stand alone as well as be part of a larger whole. At the moment, there is this big climactic event but unless I bolster vol2 and add more pages, it will occur in vol2 instead of vol3 where it belongs. With me? Good. So, the trick is to add story to vol2 that isnt superfluous, and last night I worked it all out - the hard part is writing it.
Anyways, you take care.

Today I met my tomorrow

2009-09-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

Hey, you! Yes, you there!
So, here's what's going on wit' me.

The sequel to The Equivoque Principle, The Eleventh Plague is now in the trusty hands of the copy-editors and I am really excited about what will come out of that phase, as well as where it will take the book. The cover is also being prepared, and I know it'll look amazing. The talented Mr Liam Relph is doing a class act, just as he did on Equivoque, incorporating (nay, encapsulating) all the elements of the series' concept. All that stuff about judging its book by its cover only applies to books with covers that are a bit rubbish, hinting that if only you were brave enough to snap it up on the story alone, you'd be pleasantly surprised. Well, I am pleased to report that this is not the case with the Cornelius Quaint books. The cover designs are intrinsic, setting the tone of the story to come - as all good covers should - and they are as much a part of the series' brand/identity as anything written on the pages. More to come when it comes...

And what else?

Work continues at pace on The Argonaut's Almanac trilogy, with volume 1 (Mythbound) in the bag and volume 2 (Earthbound) almost at the end -with plenty of ideas left over in my box of tricks for a blockbuster ending - which won't really be an ending at all as it kick starts off the ongoing series. Once I finish volume 3 (Warbound) I start work whist the keyboard is still hot on volume 4 (Class of the Titans). It's all go around here - but it's not all work, work, work.

You be on your way now, but stop by again soon.

Welcome one and all

2009-09-02T03:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know why today of all days I decided to write a blog. I'm not even sure that I've got much to say, but here it is anyway.
I'm late to the party, I know.
This is wot I wrote....it's called THE EQUIVOQUE PRINCIPLE

A book? You've done gone and written a book? But what is about I hear you ask, unless of course you already know, in which case not only are you a nice person, you're probably going 'Isn't it a bit late in the day for you to be starting a blog, the book's been out since May, why are you doing one now?'...and you'd be right to ask that - possibly on more levels than you know. But let us not ask Why, my literary friends, let us ask Why Not?

I'm doing it 'cos I can.

2009-09-02T02:39:00.001-07:00